JUSTIN - Stella English is suing Alan Sugar because she claims the job she won on the Apprentice was a sham. Lord Sugar has said it is just an attempt to extract money from him - well yes that is the concept of suing in a nutshell. But it's not all bad news, the experience has led to Alan Sugar launching his own claims company
WOMAN 1 - I hit my head on a "mind your head" sign and the irony gave me a headache. So I contacted Cockney Claims and you know what I received? Nothing
ALAN - Cockney Claims is the first claims company to help you, the poor downtrodden millionaire bosses. Human rights isn't a birth right it's a luxury
MAN 1 - I wanted an ivory ashtray so I innocently asked my secretary to help me out - by killing an elephant. Now she wants compensation - well her next of kin do - can you help?
ALAN - Not only can I help you, no matter what the result is we'll make the next of kin pay your legal fees. Our motto is "how can the little guy possibly win when they're so little?"
WOMAN 2 - Alan
ALAN - (Correcting) Sir
WOMAN 2 - Sir Alan
ALAN -(Correcting) Lord
WOMAN 2 - Sir Lord Alan I'm a successful business woman and when I'm not making important decisions and wearing trouser suits I like to relax by sexually harassing my staff. Do you offer discount for repeat custom?
ALAN - We do have a loyalty card that comes with discounts and for a limited time only it will allow you to say "You're fired" without paying royalties to me; the inventor of those two words. Whether you're like me and have more titles than the Stephen King back catalogue or whether you're a down to earth "Sir" we're here to help. They may be blame but they'll be no claim
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