JUSTIN - A poem written by a thirteen year old Charlotte Bronte is set to go on sale. "I've Been Wandering In The Green Woods" is expected to sell for forty five thousand pounds. A teenager hanging around a wooded area - how original. Thankfully they didn't have supermarkets or we'd be reading an Ode To Lidl. But was there more to Miss Bronte than we know, to find out let's delve into the archive
BLANCHE - I'm Blanche Reid reporting from the present for the future. I am here with teen sensation Charlotte Bronte. Charlotte have you finished your latest poem?
CHARLOTTE - I'm doing it. I'm doing it. God! There, finished
BLANCHE - Are you going to read it to us?
CHARLOTTE - Who died and made you recital god?
BLANCHE - Charlotte what's wrong?
CHARLOTTE - I hate poetry. It's for girls
BLANCHE - You are a girl
CHARLOTTE - I know but it's so unfair. All I want to do is be treated like the boys. Run around kicking footballs - which will break my toes because they're as heavy as they are brown. Skinning my knees - then getting an infection in those knees and having my leg sawed off. That's the dream
BLANCHE - Don't you want to write world famous poems and novels? I mean you won't be as famous as your work. In fact most people won't be able to distinguish between you and your sisters but still
CHARLOTTE - If you're so keen for me keep writing why don't I write a poem about you?
BLANCHE - Charlotte, don't use your gift for evil
CHARLOTTE - There once was a woman. Who belonged in coven. With jet black hair and the size of a bear. She should really stop frying and use the oven
BLANCHE - Right that's it
CHARLOTTE - What are you doing?
BLANCHE - You can say what you want about me but don't you ever resort to poetry's moronic; cousin the limerick. It's time for punishment, young lady
F/X BLANCHE spanking CHARLOTTE
BLANCHE - This is Blanche Reid spanking a literary great. Back to you
END
