F/X Doorbell. Door opening
CAMPAIGNER - Hello sir or madam I'm here to talk to you about the Eastleigh election
WOMAN 1 - The election was last week
CAMPAIGNER -.I know. The enemy is among us The Lib Dems are back and this time it's permanent - or until the next election. I'm going door to door to ensure the residents are prepared to deal with the Lib Dems. But before I start can you just sign this petition
WOMAN 1 - Fine. Wait this is a form to say I'm taking your speeding points!
CAMPAIGNER - This is known as a Huhne-ing. Lib Dems will stop at nothing to avoid speeding points. They'll try anything. From asking you to sign a card for a member of staff you've never met to pretending they think you're Angelina Jolie and asking for your autograph
F/X Clipboard hitting the floor
WOMAN 1 - You've dropped your clipboard. Should I pick it up?
F/X sound of WOMAN 1 bottom being slapped
WOMAN 1 - (CON/T) What do you think you're doing!?
CAMPAIGNER - Never present your bottom to a Lib Dem, they're very grabby - allegedly. Those are the two best tips I can offer, good luck. Before I go would you like to sign up to classes at the local community centre? They're free
WOMAN 1 - Wait a minute are you going to wait until I sign up and charge me?
CAMPAIGNER - No, I was really asking
WOMAN 1 - Oh okay I'll sign up
CAMPAIGNER - Great. Nine thousand pound please
WOMAN 1 - But you said
CAMPAIGNER - You have to learn the hard way these Lib Dems are sneaky.
WOMAN 1 - Well thanks for the tips. Very nice of you to take the time to help. If only the Lib Dems were more like you
CAMPAIGNER - I am the Lib Dems. This is just the easiest way to do all my favourite things. Thanks for a fun afternoon
END
