British Comedy Guide

The feely touchy news

Anchorman John Peterson:
Good evening this is the feely touchy news with John Peterson. Today's top story; the nations school teachers is going into a strike after meltdown in negotiations with the government and last but not least the weather with Michael Dempsy.

First we gonna talk to Bridget Honda live from Pagford School. Hello Bridget are you with us?

Reporter Bridget Honda:
Hello John, yes I'm standing here with parent group leader Michelle Adams. And Michelle what does this strike make you feel?

Michelle Adams:
Frustrated....yes I must say frustrated.

Reporter Bridget Honda:
If the strike goes on for months the parents may have to stay home from work and teach your kids yourselves, what does that make you feel?

Michelle Adams:
Scared, very scared ...um...

Reporter Bridget Honda:
... sorry for interrupting you Michelle, but are you saying scared because you as a mother will be in a position where you lack the skills and maybe will fail your children. Be responsible for your childrens later failure in life... How does that make you feel?

Michelle Adams:
(sobbing) Kinda a bad mother...

Reporter Bridget Honda:
As you see John these events have a great impact on the parents of Pagford School. Now back to you John.

Anchorman John Peterson:
Heartbreaking. Thank you Michelle. And now let's go to the weather with Michael Dempsy. Michael do you have some good weather for us?

Weatherman Michael Dempsy:
I'm afraid not John. We are going to have rain the next five days. If you look at this weatherchar...

Anchorman John Peterson:
It's not your fault.

Weatherman Michael Dempsy:
Sorry what John?

Anchorman John Peterson:
It's not your fault.

Weatherman Michael Dempsy:
What is not my fault?

Anchorman John Peterson:
We don't blame you for the bad weather.

Weatherman Michael Dempsy:
... you don't?

Anchorman John Peterson:
It's not your fault.

Weatherman Michael Dempsy:
(crying) I'm sorry John. I thought you all would hate me for bringing this bad weather to you.

Anchorman John Peterson:
You are a nice guy Michael. Even if you bring us meteor shower we don't blame you personally.

Weatherman Michael Dempsy:
(Still crying)Thank you ohhh thank you.

Anchorman John Peterson:
Well that was all we had time for, tune into us in a hour and hear what the police felt when demonstrators yelled hurtful words against them, when they were beating them up. This is John Peterson from feely touchy news.

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