JUSTIN:
From regrettable one night stands to choking on one's vomit - alcohol consumption can lead to a variety of unpleasant side effects.
One of the most common of which is drinker's nose - which is an affliction endured...
FX: GARETH BELCHES LOUDLY
JUSTIN:
By the wine critic - Gareth Scotch. Who as you may have guessed - has joined me in the studio.
GARETH:
(BLATANTLY DRUNK) Are you my daddy?
JUSTIN:
Now, in recent years, there's been a huge surge in men rectifying drinkers' nose with cosmetic surgery - and yet - you've chosen not to be one of them. How come?
GARETH:
Now, you listen here - pal - and you listen real good! You see, just because I've got myself a drinkers' nose - doesn't mean that I'm a 'drinker'!
JUSTIN:
But you critique wine for a living?
GARETH:
Don't you tell me what I do or do do for a living - okay?
JUSTIN:
So, going back to what I was saying - why haven't you sought surgery for your...
GARETH:
Unspecified genetic condition! Well, because I've got nowt to be ashamed about, have I?
JUSTIN:
Well... no, but don't you worry that people will look at your nose and ASSUME you're an alcoholic?
GARETH:
Oh, they do - Justin! They do! (TEARFUL) And they mock me for it!
JUSTIN:
What sort of things do they say?
GARETH:
Usually the R-word!
JUSTIN:
Oh God - you don't mean...
GARETH:
Rudolph! I'm telling you - if I had a pound for every time someone called me by that name, I'd...
JUSTIN:
Pay off your tabs?
GARETH:
Purchase the North Pole!
JUSTIN:
Okay, so we've established that life can be a bit grim for sufferers of... your unspecified genetic condition. But what can be done to help them?
GARETH:
You know, it's funny you should say that! (HE GIGGLES TO HIMSELF) Because I'm organising this awareness thingy!
JUSTIN:
Oh really - when's this happening?
GARETH:
A week tomorrow! I'm calling it - Red Nose Day!
