NJ SKETCH: BEDROOM TAX GUIDE
NARRATOR:
Confused by the bedroom tax? Don't worry because Newsjack's here to explain it in terms even an NHS doctor who doesn't speak English could understand. Our first example is a family living in a 2-up 2-down in Liverpool. Tell me about your bedrooms.
PARENT:
It's just me and Trish in the one room and our foster child in the other.
NARRATOR:
That's easy - you're not under occupied so no tax is due-Did you say foster child?
PARENT:
Yeah.
NARRATOR:
In that case you are under occupied because as far as the Government's concerned your child doesn't exist.
PARENT:
Yewoh?
NARRATOR:
Did you think a bigger house means more bedroom tax? Not necessarily. Consider this massive domicile that's just been bought by George Osborne - I guess he doesn't have any credit rating problems! This generous second floor room with en-suite bathroom might look like it should count as a bedroom, but, since it's being used as a billiard room, no tax applies. That's not unfair because you too can claim the very same benefit. All you have to do is prove you own a full-size Edwardian-era billiard board. Remember, table football doesn't count, because that's common.
F/X: CHILD CRYING.
NARRATOR:
What's wrong little girl?
LITTLE GIRL:
I'm worried my mum will have to pay the bedroom tax and it's all my fault for wanting my own room.
NARRATOR:
Well, that depends my sweet little angel. Is she your real mum, or just someone who pretends to be?
LITTLE GIRL:
She said I grew in her tummy.
NARRATOR:
Then you don't need to worry. But what's this?
LITTLE GIRL:
My doll house.
NARRATOR:
And who lives in your dollhouse?
LITTLE GIRL:
Ken and Barbie. Ken has his own room because he suffers from a clinically-diagnosed sleep disorder.
NARRATOR:
Nice try you little scamp but I'm going to have to take your piggy bank away.
LITTLE GIRL:
Whaaaaaah!
NARRATOR:
The bedroom - It's where you screw, and now, where you get screwed over.
END