British Comedy Guide

NJ: NHS Whistleblowing

FX: BEEPING OF MEDICAL EQUIPMENT

SURGEON:
Scalpel!

BEAT

SURGEON:
Ta.

FX: WHISTLE IS LOUDLY BLOWN

SURGEON:
Christ! What do you think you're doing?

NURSE:
Whistleblowing.

SURGEON:
In the middle of surgery?

NURSE:
Ah, now that's exactly the kind of defensive attitude; the health secretary's condemned!

SURGEON:
Oh Jesus, you've made me drop the scalpel!

NURSE:
So? Just pick it up and carry on.

SURGEON:
It's not on the floor - stupid! It's inside him!

NURSE:
Oh. Well, then you'd better fish it out, hadn't you?

SURGEON:
Me? But it's your fault it's in there!

NURSE:
Err, excuse me - I'm not the one with butterfingers!

SURGEON:
Yeah - but you ARE the only one wearing gloves!

NURSE:
Listen, gloves or no gloves - I ain't sticking my hand in there! It's all yucky and horrible!

SURGEON:
Well, if you're not gonna remove it. And I'm not gonna remove it. Then, what are we gonna do?

BEAT

NURSE:
Use a spare scalpel and pretend this never happened?

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