Having a Word Sketch

Any comments on this one? Is it impotent? Is Sandford too mean?

Int. School Corridor

A headmaster is walking down the corridor. He passes a classroom and briefly glances through the windowed door. He stops, goes back to the door, knocks on it and then opens it.

Headmaster:
Mr Sandford! Could I have a word please?

Mr Sandford enters the corridor. He is completely nude.

Sandford:
Is something the matter?

Headmaster:
What the hell is going on, Clive?!

Sandford:
We're just finishing off the periodic table. We're up to halogens.

Headmaster:
Screw the bloody halogens! You're naked!

Sandford:
Oh that! Yeah, I woke up and found my girlfriend had burnt all my clothes. She probably found out about my affair.

Headmaster:
So, you found that you had no clothes and thought "I know, I'll go to school and teach the children. In the nude."?

Sandford:
Yeah. Well, obviously, it wasn't my initial thought. First, I had to sort out scoring some heroin.

Headmaster:
Heroin?! Jesus, Clive! What the hell are you doing on that stuff?

Sandford:
No, it's for me! I don't touch that rubbish. It's for this girl I've been seeing on the side.

Headmaster:
Is it Lauren? From the Art department? I had heard a few rumours about you and her...

Sandford:
Lauren was months ago! I haven't spoke to her since I got her pregnant! No, the latest one's Lucy.

Headmaster:
Lucy? Lucy? Lucy who?

Sandford:
Lucy Perkins. You know, from Year 9.

Headmaster:
Clive, you're fired.

ENDS

Quote: Ben @ February 20 2013, 10:13 PM GMT

Headmaster:
Let me get this straight. You found that you had no clothes and thought "I know, I'll go to school and teach the children. In the nude.".

View original

This is just, just. No!

The sketch doesn't go anywhere interesting. The setup makes us expect more. Instead it just builds upon what we already know, this guy shouldn't be teaching.

Yes, that's a good point, Lee.

I like this most of your recent stuff

The insouciamt teacher is good

But I think the punchline is just a slight extension as opposed to a real twist

Thanks, Sooty. I think it's a step in the right direction, but I find it's a bit too twisted. I'll carry on refinding my feet though.

There must be a better reason why he could be naked? Is what I meant.

I think this sketch is one where the speed and energy I'd more important than the explanation

But my point would eliminate the second half of the sketch.

I think I understand SootyJ's point
For me it would work better if it escalates quicker after the nude revelation with the other things like the heroin.
Nice idea there but needs to have a little less padding & a bit more energy

I'd make it more dry.

"You're naked" tends to be better than "OMFG!!! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NAKED?!?!?"-type lines IMHO.

It's why I prefer Brit comedy to US comedy (although things are changing, with things like Flight of the Conchords, and Curb).

I like the idea too. Maybe you could hint at his relationship with Lucy throughout the sketch and then twist it with the punchline; he's seeing headmasters wife or something. I'm sure you could come up with a better twist than that

I liked that. It's a ludicrous premise, which is why I have no problem with the line Lee says no to. I do agree with Sooty that is a single idea that builds without taking any turns though, so perhaps you could head off in an unexpected direction. I'd caution against blahblah's suggestion though as it's the exact ending I was expecting.

Fair enough. To be fair that was my first thought toothat's why I suggested it. But yeah a better twist require