Nj: Bargain Hunt Afghanistan

Hi - I've been trying for Newsjack for a while and figured it's time I got some feedback.
Interested in general style comments and relevance as well as specifics on the sketch.
Will start commenting on others (it's only fair) as soon as I have the time. Eoin
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NJ SKETCH: BARGAIN HUNT AFGHANISTAN

BBC ANNOUNCER:
Next on BBC ONE David Dickinson returns to primetime with a special presentation of Bargain Hunt.

F/X: BUSY UK MILITARY BASE ATMOS.

DICKINSON:
I'm sat here with Sue from Basingstoke in Helmand Province, Afghanistan, where there are bargains-a-plenty to be had as the British Army looks to dump its kit. What have you found there, love?

SUE:
I think it's a fire engine?

DICKINSON:
Now, I took the liberty of asking the quartermaster and that's actually a BvS 10 Warthog, which is used for killing infantry. Cheap as chips at the price. But has Phil from Wigan done any better?

PHIL:
I think I have. This is a genuine Agusta-Westland Apache attack helicopter.

DICKINSON:
I hate to dampen your spirits, Phil, but it looks like a bit of a duffer compared to Sue's pristine hardware.

PHIL:
See the scratch marks in the gunner's cockpit? That's Prince Harry's personal kill count.

DICKINSON:
If that's true then it's a sweet little buy. Now Sue and Phil have picked up some nice pieces courtesy of the British taxpayer, but that's only half the battle on Bargain Hunt. It's time to hit the Kandahar Bazaar, and see who can turn a tidy profit.

F/X: CRAZY MARKET BAZAAR ATMOS.

DICKINSON:
(HUSHED) Lots of interested buyers here today. I think we'll do well. Are you having fun, love?

SUE:
Oh yes.

DICKINSON
Good girl. Keep an eye on those gentlemen in the lambskin clothing with the ammunition belts over their shoulders. They're looking keen as cornflakes.

PHIL:
Should we be selling this to them?

DICKINSON:
Don't you worry a hair on your head. The MOD doesn't tell the BBC what to do.

PHIL:
What about the Americans?

F/X: APPROACHING DRONE.

F/X: PEOPLE RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES, ANDSCREAMING "DRONE ATTACK".

DICKINSON:
Well would you look at that. What a proper bobby dazzler!

F/X: MASSIVE EXPLOSION.

END

Well done. Seems as worthy of being broadcast as many other sketches.

I think this sketch reads nicely and like the character you've put into Dickinson. There's a couple of things I'd feedback.

- The opening. They generally tend not to open sketches like that. It never stops being NJ on Radio 4 Extra. Go for something like Justin Intro - Over to our antiques expert in Kabul or whatever

- I'd say the killer premise or twist isn't quite there. At the minute it doesn't seem like an episode of bargain hunt i.e. buying stuff cheaping and selling it on, the second part of the sketch is interrupted. And for me there's something missing. Who are the bargain hunters - dodgy arms dealers? People going to use it for ridiculous things (e.g. water cannons for sprinkling the roses)? The Taliban? I feel that clear premise isn't quite there.

Hope that helps and with a few tweaks could have a nice little sketch here. And a chance for Lewis to crack out his David Dickinson - he must have one!

Agree there isn't really a twist in there and that's what it's missing.

I don't think there are nearly enough gags in it at the moment, and seems like it's more aimed at the delivery to get laughs.

Dan