Scottish Independence sketch

Criticisms welcomed!

'The Break-up'

FXROUND OF APPLAUSE

MARJORIE:Welcome back to The Big Debate. Tonight we're tackling the issue of Scottish independence. Joining me in the studio now are independence activist Colin McLeod, and leading pro-union campaigner Steven Barnett. Gentlemen, welcome to the show.

COLIN:Thanks.

STEVENleasure to be here.

MARJORIE:Mr McLeod, I'll start by asking you what Scotland stands to gain from leaving the United Kingdom.

COLIN:Well Marjorie, it's pretty simple; Scotland has been denied her freedom for far too long, and it's time we were allowed to take responsibility for our own affairs...

STEVENSNORTS) Whatever.

COLIN:...by going it alone.

STEVEN:You would say that.

MARJORIE:Er, Mr Barnett... do you agree that the people of Scotland would be better served looking after their own interests?

STEVEN:Listen, Marjorie - we've been hearing this sort of talk for a long time now. Independence this, referendum that - let's face it. We all know it's not going to happen. Scotland's not going anywhere.

COLINorry, but I just have to say this sort of attitude is absolutely typical. People in Scotland are sick of being dictated to by Westminster. We're leaving the union, and we're not coming back.

STEVENh, you think you can do better, do you?

COLIN:We can, and we will! The European Union-

STEVENh, here we go again with the bloody European Union. Maybe if you spent a bit less time in Brussels and bit more time at home, we wouldn't be in this mess!

COLIN:The European Union listens to us. The European Union treats us with respect. You don't know the first thing about-

MARJORIE:Gentlemen, please!

COLIN:He started it.

STEVEN:That's right, it's our fault again, isn't it? Just like it was our fault when you didn't qualify for the World Cup. (beat) Typical.

MARJORIE:Mr Barnett! Now, Mr McLeod; what do you say to those critics who claim an independent Scotland would struggle to stay afloat in these tough economic times?

COLIN:I would say we are more than capable of standing on our own two feet. Take our vast oil reserves, for example...

STEVEN:Half of that oil is ours you know! Besides, your oil won't last forever. Do you think China will still be sniffing round you when your precious oil runs out? No chance. They're only after one thing, and you know it.

COLIN:You just can't handle the fact that we're a young, successful, beautiful country and you're not! You're past it! Face it - you had your chance, and you blew it.

STEVEN: How can you say that! After all we've done for you... What about... what about all those pro-union opinion polls you conducted?

COLIN:We faked them. Every single one.

STEVENDISTRAUGHT) I don't believe you! Tell me you don't love us. Look me in the eye, and tell me you don't love us!

MARJORIELONG PAUSE) I'm afraid... that's all we have time for this evening. Join us next week for more...

STEVENSOBBING)

MARJORIE:...for more Big Debate.

FXAPPLAUSE

END

I like the idea, but iithink you could exploit it more. Perhaps give the interviewer a more marriage counsellor role? I see Steven as the husband reluctantly attending a mediation session. There's some nice lines in there, I liked the china stuff and the faking opinion polls is a good out.

Thanks for the comments, yeah I agree that maybe it could be made a little clearer what is going on, it is maybe a little slow to get into the 'marriage break-up' vibe at the start.

Good idea but its a sketch of two halves...

When I realised what was going on at the end I found it amusing but you'd almost lost me before I got there.

A wee spruce up and it could be good.