FX: PRISON DOOR SLAMMED SHUT
SLASHER:
Well, well, well - it'd appear as if I've got me a new cellmate. What's your name, bruv?
CHRIS:
Hi, I'm Chris.
SLASHER:
Ditto. 'though my mates call me Slasher!
CHRIS:
They do?
SLASHER:
Yeah - because of my overactive bladder.
CHRIS:
(NERVOUS LAUGHTER) Oh... that's a relief.
SLASHER:
Although, as it happens; I can get bit a stabby with knives! So, watch your back, yeah?
CHRIS:
Will do.
SLASHER:
So, what brings you here, eh?
CHRIS:
Well, you see, I perverted the course of justice.
SLASHER:
Let me guess - you got rid of a murder weapon?
CHRIS:
Close! But it was actually a speeding ticket that I disposed of. How about you?
SLASHER:
I'm in here for theft - but I ain't no thief!
CHRIS:
Miscarriage of justice?
SLASHER:
Nah, I did what they said I did. It just ain't my fault!
CHRIS:
Well, then who's fault is it?
SLASHER:
The Liberal Democrats!
CHRIS:
Oh?
SLASHER:
You see; I stole to pay my way through uni. But I wouldn't have had to; if they hadn't trebled the fees - you get me?
CHRIS:
Well, you know - I think the Tories deserve their fair share of the blame too.
SLASHER:
Yeah, but the Tories never promised to abolish them altogether, did they?
CHRIS:
Well, no...
SLASHER:
Listen, I'm telling yer - there ain't nothing I'd like more than to be locked in a room with Nick Clegg! Or failing that - one of his colleagues!
FX: OPENING OF CELL DOOR
GUARD:
Phone call for you from a Mr Clegg! It's about your ministerial severance pay.
BEAT
CHRIS:
(TO SLASHER) I think she's talking to you!