Sitcom spec I have been working on: http://liamtulley.yolasite.com/resources/Spec.pdf
Feedback please...
Sitcom spec
Quote: PurpleRonnie @ January 28 2013, 2:32 PM GMTHere's a spec I have been working on. I'm quite happy with it but let's see what you think...
Haven't got time at the moment but, FYI, there's a grisly typo in the 4th line which you might want to attend to.
Good luck.
Thanks I've corrected it. I changed one word but celtx decided to change everything I thought I'd got them all.
It hits the ground running, you're a good writer,it's a good basic idea, but gets a bit muddled in the middle. What it lacks is subplots. Some good jokes - the stick of rock one stands out. Surely Jon wouldn't go back to the Bistro he ripped off the day before? You'll have to get of some of the more gynaecological descriptions, I think!
Agree with most of the above: it's got good dynamics between characters, good structure and some good scenes right from the start.
I'm not sure it lacks subplots but I think the Steve/Suzanne breakup could warrant a bit more development (maybe give it a bit more depth: have Suzanne be really contrite for her overreaction over the coffee and then overhearing Jon and Steve talking on the phone shortly afterwards). I agree the gynaecological detail isn't necessary in that scene... it's funnier if she initially seizes on a relatively innocent remark and it builds from there.
Jon going back to the bistro is a bit of a logical hole but I think you can fix that with a short scene in which Donna suggests the bistro as a venue and Jon rapidly runs out of excuses not to go there.
And the "sex... yes please" joke is the oldest in the book. If you're going to riff on it I think it needs to be more subtle and tied in with the second half by implying Eddie's needs
e.g.
ANNE
You've missed the sex
Eddie, who is miles away, suddenly perks up
EDDIE
Eh?
ANNE
(pointing to the form)
Male... or female.
Eddie looks wistfully at bulldog-featured Anne
EDDIE
It's been a while, love.
---
Similarly, whilst your dialogue is already pretty snappy and rarely overwritten, there are still a few places where it could be pruned some more
e.g. I think this (Scene 24) scans better than the original
EDDIE
You'll get your money back. I've put my VHS collection on eBay
JON
Brilliant. So now I'm waiting for a fan of Anal Acrobats that's still living in the twentieth century.
EDDIE
Now you mention it... I might keep that one.