Stand up child comedian

A sketch I came up with.

Int. School Hall

It is afternoon assembly at King George VI school. Mr Jones, the headmaster, is on the stage with young Johnny Carmichael.

Mr Jones: Now everybody, I've promised Johnny that he can end the assembly for us with stand up comedy he's been working on. I'm sure it'll be very funny, so Johnny, take it away.

Mr Jones goes and sits down at the back of the stage and Johnny moves towards the edge of the stage and takes a mic from the mic stand

Johnny: An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"

There is silence from the assembled children, but Mr Jones gives a little chortle.

Mr Jones: Very funny, very funny.

Johnny thinks for a second.

Johnny: Tough crowd, hmmmm. I've got one here you'll like. Don't you hate it when your mothers on her period....

Mr Jones stands up and looks concerned

Mr Jones: Uh Johnny, I don't think thats appropiate.

Johnny: (Ignoring Mr Jones) Don't you hate it when your mothers on her period? She moans, she shouts and...

Mr Jones runs to the front of the stage and tries to grab the mic off Johnny. Johnny runs to the other side of the stage.

Johnny: She moans, she shouts and no matter how much mouthwash you use, you just can't get rid of the taste of her blood.

There is utter silence in the assembly hall. After a second or two of silence we hear a young girl in the front row start crying.

thats more sick than funny... no wait its just sick.

There's always room for cringe humour!

Quote: Winterlight @ August 5, 2007, 5:51 PM

Johnny: She moans, she shouts and no matter how much mouthwash you use, you just can't get rid of the taste of her blood.

There is utter silence in the assembly hall. After a second or two of silence we hear a young girl in the front row start crying.

View original

Totally rude and unexpected---bravo!

But there wouldn't be utter silence...I would've ended it with roars of laughter and a standing ovation---to the chagrin of the headmaster.

Thats probably a good idea. I was thinking of having a few of the teachers laughing as well which would further freak out the headmaster.

Apart from blood bit at the end I think idea has legs. Child comic at school doing a chubbie brown yes. Don't like end bit though, Im no prude with humour but some stuff goes past being funny, but good idea.

Well, I admit it is close to the bone, but that was supposed to be the point as its not something you would expect a child to say.

Although its relevant as a child's mother would still be menstrual and its a relevant life topic for a child to talk about in a stand up manner. I know when I was young, my mothers PMT was a subject of great amusement for my brother and I.

P.S. The joke was inspired by an american comedian called Jim Norton.

i like that joke just on its own great

ps i am sick in the head

Getting an 8 year old to play the part might be problematic, Unless you hired a dwarf perhaps or Jimmy Crankie.

It would be set at a secondary school, so the child would be 11-13. Anyway, Jam used several child actors in very disturbing scenes, so its not an impossibility to have children in these parts.

I love it, Winterlight, though part of me feels it's incomplete. Needs more of your writing around the quite old jokes. Funny though!

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I knew that this would split opinion on the board!

I think a more detailed version of the above is needed. I came up with the 'Don't you hate it when your mothers on her period' gag a few months back and then recently thought it would be funny coming from a child comedian. The above version was my first draft of it.

I have a few other similar sketches planned with the same characters. I think 3 in total would be enough though or the it will go stale. In the final sketch I intend to have silence and then one of the middle aged teachers will roar with laughter and then applaud adding something along the lines of "you're right! All women are complete...." then it'll cut off.