This is one of my sketches that I entered for Play & Record.
Obviously crap because it didn't get on the show!
BLACK WIDOW
FEMALE (SEXILY) : Hello Big Boy.
MALE : Oh no. You're not gonna catch me like that.
FEMALE (HURT) : Why? Don't you fancy me then?
MALE : Look darling. I fancy you like mad.
FEMALE : So what's the problem? Look - I've got lovely long legs.
MALE : Yes I can see. All eight of them.
FEMALE : Well come over here and talk to me.
MALE : I'm not falling for that. Lucky Vernon told me why we're called Black Widows.
FEMALE : Lucky Vernon? He's only got five legs.
MALE : He's lucky to have any legs at all. And that was your fault.
FEMALE : That was just a slip of the jaws. Look - don't you like my hour glass figure?
MALE : That's just an optical illusion.
FEMALE : What if I promise to be gentle with you?
MALE : Can I trust you?
FEMALE : Surely it's worth the risk isn't it? I mean - can you think of a better way to go?
MALE : I knew it. You do want to eat me.
FEMALE : Look - it's nothing personal.
MALE (HURT) : Oh great. At least there was the consolation that maybe you felt the same way about me as I felt about you.
FEMALE : Oh I do! I just meant that I didn't want to hurt you.
MALE : Well I know what. Why don't we just - you know - and then afterwards you don't eat me?
FEMALE : I'm sorry - but that's not the way it works I'm afraid. I've got no choice in the matter.
PAUSE
MALE : OK then. But you promise you'll be gentle with me?
FEMALE : I promise.
MALE : Right then. So what exactly am I supposed to do? I've never done it before.
FEMALE : None of them ever have!
MALE : Except for lucky Vernon of course.
FEMALE : Of course. So where exactly is Vernon?
MALE : I'll tell you afterwards.
FEMALE : You're not gonna catch me with that one. Now come here big boy!
CLOSE
