This is cheating a bit. I posted this a while ago on 4laughs test bed. It's too long to enter any open script comps. It's taken from one of my collections "The life, times, and teacakes of Gustav the Hamster and other ramblings". The title changes every 20 minutes. Hope you like it.
COULD by Ruby Mae James.
Int. A lilac room filled with bean bags, wicker furnishings, a dream catcher, and unlit candles, we see a cat clock with his eyes moving and tail swishing. It 3.55pm. We pan back to see a woman (Edie) in a tie dye dress, beads and glasses with a notepad on her lap smiling.
Edie: (American - a very soothing hippy style voice) So, how did you get on with last weeks exercise. The list of what you fell you “Should” do?
We pan to her client in the dark robe. Face covered by hood. Scythe resting across his knees.
Reaper: (Fiddling with a piece of paper) I wrote three (Tries to hand the piece to Edie).
Edie: That’s really great, but I want you to keep that piece of paper as today we are going to play a little game. Okay?
Reaper shuffles on his bean bag and nods.
Edie: Okay, we are going to take that nasty word “should” away. Shoo! Out it goes. To say we should implies we failed, not allowing us to grow. Today, the word “Should” is now reborn! It is now “Could”. Could says “Yes we can”. I want you to read me the three things you put on that list and replace should with could. Do you think you could do that for me Grim?
Reaper: Um……would you like me to stand?
Edie: Whatever you are comfortable with and remember, should is now could!
Reaper: Got it. (Stands up and unravels paper, moving weight from foot to foot) Number one. I COULD be nicer to the dead……..
Edie: What is stopping you?
Reaper: Have you met the dead? They are very annoying you know. Not so much the suicides. They know what they want so it’s very straight forward but you always get “I’m too young”, “What about the kids?”,” Am I going to Hell?”, “I can’t let them find the body wearing that….”, and they ask so many stupid questions! Everyone wants to know what God is like. “Oh look here is the Grim Reaper, the angel of death, the one time I will ever encounter such an iconic figure, I know, I’ll ask him what God is like”. As if God is so great! Are you aware the big bang was a mistake? That’s right. God was making beans on toast and he left the gas on, and to top it off they all want to play chess…..
Edie: Grim, you are entering the dark place. Take a breathe and then tell me, how could you improve this.
Reaper: Well, I could go and finish my Degree in Primary Education. Then I could be a teacher. I love kids. And finger painting.
Edie: Very good, next.
Reaper: Number two. I could get a girlfriend
Edie: What is stopping you?
Reaper: Most of the women I meet are dead. Botched boobs jobs and tummy tucks, overdoses, Westlife fans, plus look at who we have up there! Steve McQueen, James Dean, River Phoenix…. Who the hell would wanna date a guy with no skin, who still lives at home with his Mum, and plays bloody chess all the time? As least the dead could come up with something fun for me. I like connect four for example….
Edie: Grim……
Reaper: I know, take a breathe…..(takes a deep one).
Edie: There are many great ways of meeting women outside of Reaping. They have websites you know especially for dating.
Reaper: I know but they always ask for a picture.
Edie: We haven’t much time. Let’s hear the last one.
Reaper: Okay. Number Three…..I could move out of my Mother’s shed.
Edie: You have many issues with your mother, don’t you grim?
Reaper: I just wish she would show me some respect, you know? All my life she’s barely shown me an ounce of compassion. She tells me all the time how Nigel, my cousin is the number one Badgers double glazing rep in the whole of East Anglia. I say “Mum, look at me, I’m the Grim Reaper”. All she says is that it’s a pain washing all those robes. She won’t even let me sit at the table at dinner parties because she says my lack of skin will put the guests off her seafood chowder. Oh Mummy, why won’t you hug me?
Reaper starts to cry. Edie hands him a Kleenex and leads him to the door
Edie: That’s all for this week. We have done some great work today Grim. Remember, think good thoughts and good thing will happen.
Reaper: (sniffing) Same time next week?
Edie: Of course, take care Grim.
Grim Reaper leaves through the door and closes it behind him. Edie wanders to her wicker desk and press a button of the intercom.
Edie: Sandra, send in Mr. Clause.
End.
