British Comedy Guide

My 1st attempt at writing jokes

Any feedback on my 1st attempt of writing jokes would be appreciated - apoligies for the blue

Now I don't know Steve Irwin but I hate it when people say he died doing what he loved best because I for 1 know he hated getting stung by stingrays.

Fisted my girlfriend for the first time last night, she wasn't happy I broke her nose

The T-Rex was the first gay dinosaur. I mean look at the way it went around going ooooooh look at me. (with its hands up and limp wristed)

Ginger hair is contagious. My uncle had it now so do his children

Growing up in the north east I was the last in my class to lose their virginity - I was 14

Getting in the bath after my girlfriend is like getting into a rock pool - its full of crabs

As a kid you can get away with anything for e.g. if a 2 year old boy goes up and kisses a girl he doesn't know you think ah that's cute, but if a 22 year old does that you think ah that's a court case, or if your in Newcastle you've pulled.

Went to the bottom of the sea the other day, just a shame it was only in the shallow end

And architect of the year goes to - Bill Ding

A ghost says to the KKK "the grass isn't always greener"

The weather in heaven is rubbish, its always cloudy

FA cup 3rd round when its ridiculously high paid paid sex crazed plebs vs plumbers if the high paid lose they should be shot. That should be a stipulation. They do it in North Korea.

Things I have learned from relationships. The first time your girlfriend asks you if they look big in this never say "great I love a fat ass"

Bottom of the sea joke I'd aces rest men and the anti girlfriend ombres do thou nip favours

The Bill Ding one is my favourite.

The "i broke her nose" one is also good but the others aren't for me.

The bill ding one is a peach though.

Quote: Adam94 @ December 17 2012, 6:13 PM GMT

Any feedback on my 1st attempt of writing jokes would be appreciated - apoligies for the blue

Now I don't know Steve Irwin but I hate it when people say he died doing what he loved best because I for 1 know he hated getting stung by stingrays.

Fisted my girlfriend for the first time last night, she wasn't happy I broke her nose

I liked these two.

I liked this one

The weather in heaven is rubbish, its always cloudy

Huh? Adam..I hope you have you not been reading sootyj's latest edition?
Convince Yourself You are Funny"...just another run of the mill self hypnosis arse wipe pull out..
still credit where it's due..couple of funny's in there

Quote: sootyj @ December 17 2012, 6:29 PM GMT

Bottom of the sea joke I'd aces rest men and the anti girlfriend ombres do thou nip favours

I heard Brendan Rogers went down below last week..
as there is 20.000 leagues under the sea..he thought liverpool could win one of them

Now I don't know Steve Irwin but I hate it when people say he died doing what he loved best because I for 1 know he hated getting stung by stingrays.

loved this one made me laugh out loud

The T-Rex was the first gay dinosaur. I mean look at the way it went around going ooooooh look at me. (with its hands up and limp wristed)

This one made me laugh as well

And architect of the year goes to - Bill Ding

So did this one.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ December 17 2012, 6:48 PM GMT

I liked this one

I really, really liked that joke. But none of the others, I'm afraid.

There were some weak ones in there and some have been done before, but I liked the 'bottom of the sea' one and the 'crabs' one.

Gotta say some of the feedback on this thread puzzles me, some very old gags getting bigged up

but bottom of the sea is standout

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