HOST/ROBBIE:
(Excited, extremely hyper) Helloooooooo, and welcome to another edition of 'Sports the Way I Like It' hosted for the very first time by ME, former host Robbie Robertson's son, Robbie Robertson Jnr. And as ever in the mauve chair, I'm joined by Dave....Hi Dave
DAVE:
Hey, Robbie, and what a show we have for you tonight folks! HO-HO-HO,'coz Christmas may be coming early for Kirrin Island's football fans as superstar David Beckham is reportedly flying in within the next ten minutes to sign for local team 'Buccaneers'.
As a 'Bucc's fan, how are you feeling right now Robbie?
ROBBIE:
Well Dave, I'll tell ya, I haven't been this excited since....since....the.... since the.... the Spice Girls, since the Spice Girls....had....Damn it!! I couldn't think of anything funny, why do other people find it so easy, my father found it easy, he would have said something funny like....."I haven't been this excited since...... since sliced bread!"
DAVE:
..since sliced bread, that's not funny, it doesn't even make any sense...
ROBBIE:
(Depressed) Ahh you're right, I can't even be funny impersonating somebody who was funny, I'll never be as good as my father, damn you Robbie Robertson Senior, you big, dead, funny bastard!
DAVE:
Pull yourself together you maniac......
ROBBIE:
(Heavy breathing)...Ok,ok, I'm fine now thank you.
(composed) Anyway, the news that Beckham will be turning down offers from some of the world's best will be a major coup for both KIFA and Buccaneers who failed to win a single game at this year's 'Small Islanders World Cup', recently held on Easter Island.
DAVE:
Very good! That's more like it Robbie J, a very eloquent sentence, very Robbie Snr-esque.
ROBBIE:
You think? You really think? You really 'cross your heart and hope to die' think???
(Awkward silence, couple of coughs)
ROBBIE:
I'll take a nap....
DAVE:
That's for the best.
Football, which has traditionally been the Island's third most popular sport will see Beckham's arrival as a golden opportunity to increase its popularity and in time challenge the current top two; tennis and the perennial favourite and Island obsession, 'Hide and Seek'.
We were hoping to interview Howard Hargreaves, Hide and Seek's very own answer to David Beckham, on how popular he believes the heart-throb will be, but sadly we were unable to make contact, as he has yet to be 'found' while competing in this week's 'Masters' competition.
ROBBIE:
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, nooooooooooooooo, nooooooooooooooo, say it isn't true.
DAVE:
News just in folks, and it's not good. We have just been informed that Beckham's arrival at the airport was only to refuel his private jet before heading to Monaco, and and not to sign a contract......I repeat, he will not be becoming a Bucc's player.
ROBBIE:
(angry, emotional) Shut it Dave. Listen here Mr Chairman wherever you are, as a lifelong Buccaneers fan, I cannot take any more heartbreak, look at me I'm crazy enough. So I don't care what you have to give, say or do, but I plead to you...... sign David Beckham for Bucc's sake!!
