Few short gags, have at them!

Couple of things I've been keeping on a notepad.

1. If I could travel to any period in history, I think I'd definitely go back to Star Wars.

2. A golden tip of comedy is to write about what you know, but there's only so many fat jokes I can think of before I get hungry again.

3. On explaining my arachnophobia, I'm often met with the response that I'm just being silly and they're far more frightened of me. I don't think that's true, as I've never seen a spider run out of the room screaming like a girl when it sees me.

4. Growing up, my elders would always chastise our reliance on ever more expensive toys, saying when they were children they had to think up their own entertainment. It wasn't until I was older I found out their generation grew up with LSD.

5. I think there's a problem with my cat. She's very distant, even going as far as to walk out of the room whenever I pet or feed her. I think the problem is she's not a dog.

6. When we were kids we'd always steal materials from the chemistry lab at school, but without any real instructions our crazy experiments would always end in disaster. But that's all changed with the growth of the internet. Now I can just go on to YouTube and watch some other idiot blow themselves up instead.

7. I don't listen to the radio, but I still pick up the phone saying "I listen to Long Wave Radio Atlantic 252", just in case. I wouldn't want to miss out on £20.

No 4 is a nice observation. And I've made that argument about spiders myself before now (they don't look so f**king scared when they run at me across the kitchen like little arachnid kamikazes).

The gags read oddly though, as if they've been accurately, but slightly unidiomatically, translated to English. Unless you have a sort of stand up delivery technique that would make these work, you might want to "normalise" them a wee bit.

Quote: Chad Muskehound @ November 24 2012, 12:09 AM GMT

Couple of things I've been keeping on a notepad.

1. If I could travel to any period in history, I think I'd definitely go back to Star Wars.

Fail to many leaps of thought

2. A golden tip of comedy is to write about what you know, but there's only so many fat jokes I can think of before I get hungry again.

Weak

3. On explaining my arachnophobia, I'm often met with the response that I'm just being silly and they're far more frightened of me. I don't think that's true, as I've never seen a spider run out of the room screaming like a girl when it sees me.

Good, to long an explanation

eg"They say spiders are more scared of you then you are of them, so why am I the one who runs away screaming?"

4. Growing up, my elders would always chastise our reliance on ever more expensive toys, saying when they were children they had to think up their own entertainment. It wasn't until I was older I found out their generation grew up with LSD.

My grandad say he didn't toys as a kid because he had his iamgination, he also had LSD

5. I think there's a problem with my cat. She's very distant, even going as far as to walk out of the room whenever I pet or feed her. I think the problem is she's not a dog.

6. When we were kids we'd always steal materials from the chemistry lab at school, but without any real instructions our crazy experiments would always end in disaster. But that's all changed with the growth of the internet. Now I can just go on to YouTube and watch some other idiot blow themselves up instead.

too mnay ideas jammed together

7. I don't listen to the radio, but I still pick up the phone saying "I listen to Long Wave Radio Atlantic 252", just in case. I wouldn't want to miss out on £20.

Great idea. Just maybe shorten it a little.

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Have you ever seen Star Trek TNG? Your jokes read a bit like DATA. Very clinical,not much heart in them. Some of them work but they're killed by the dryness. Unless - as gappy said - you have a very particular standup style that would compliment the writing.

But for me, if you softened them up a bit they'd work much better. eg:

"On explaining my arachnophobia, I'm often met with the response that I'm just being silly and they're far more frightened of me. I don't think that's true, as I've never seen a spider run out of the room screaming like a girl when it sees me."

would probably work better as

"People say spiders are more scared of us than we are of them. When was the last time you saw a spider scream and try to flush a human down the plughole?"

Well that might be a bit weak but it keeps the set-up / pay-off and does it a lot more succinctly. And they do say brevity is the soul of wit. Similarly, your gag:

"A golden tip of comedy is to write about what you know, but there's only so many fat jokes I can think of before I get hungry again."

for me would work better as

"A golden tip of comedy is to write about what you know. So...cakes."

Anyway, you see what I'm saying. Feel free to ignore.

One of my favourite STNG episodes.

But whilst looking for it I found this. 24 seconds in watch Data do a Del boy impersonation

Maybe try and develop a theme? Because at the moment your jokes are random.

Thanks for the feedback guys, it's much appreciated. Yeah, I've had people comment similarly on my writing style generally (not just in joke forms) saying I'm overly formal. Probably a result of trying to rewrite things multiple times when it really needs a fresh pair of eyes. Agree with the rewrites you guys did, so thanks for that.

I don't think I'll ever get on stage, I don't think it's something I'd fit into, but I do like writing so thought I'd just put some jokes together to see if I've even got the capability of amusing strangers. I'm more looking into script writing but definitely need to loosen up the language first.

Funnily enough, never been a fan of Star Trek but it might not surprise people to know that my job is an analyst! (I'm also a fan of Steven Wright and Dan Mintz's delivery, not sure if that's where some of my inspiration came from).

Thanks again!

I like n0 7 Thought that was funny, it's like real radio, I'm a real winner

I like no 4

I really liked no. 1. As has already been said the others could do with a little tweak but I can see nice potential with pretty much all of them.

They say spiders are more afraid of you than you are of them. But I've never had a spider try and kill me with a newspaper.

Thats how I would write number 3 personally.