A collection of gags

1) Shambolic, a fake testicle!

2) I went to a university that specialised in the study of cheese. I am now part of their Halloumni.

3) I was bullied at school by this girl who kept calling me names so I went to the library to find a book to help me. I found 'To Kill a Mocking Bird' it was no use at all.

4) My girlfriend just ate half the candyfloss in our loft. She will be in intensive care for two weeks.

5) I was on a training course and the trainer said we are going to do the domestics. I thought great role play so I punched her in the face!

6) My girlfriend told me my libido was too high, I said that must be why I keep winning! She said no you're thinking of limbo.

7) Catamaran = A stupid cat.

8) If I ever catch anyone who is into voyeurism I tell them to take a long hard look at themselves.

9) I bought my girlfriend a candleabra for her birthday but it melted and her boobs fell out.

10) Excuse me I am looking for a book called "I want to show I'm slightly surprised using linguistics" by R B Damned.

11) Cajun Chicken is frowned upon by responsible egg sellers.

12) My mate has a really violent reaction to acronyms, I told him I thought he was a bit OTT.

So what do you guys think.

Cheers

Quote: mcmurphy1977 @ November 18 2012, 9:14 PM GMT

1) Shambolic, a fake testicle!

Good.
2) I went to a university that specialised in the study of cheese. I am now part of their Halloumni.

Don't get this one.

3) I was bullied at school by this girl who kept calling me names so I went to the library to find a book to help me. I found 'To Kill a Mocking Bird' it was no use at all.

Too laboured.

4) My girlfriend just ate half the candyfloss in our loft. She will be in intensive care for two weeks.

Good.

5) I was on a training course and the trainer said we are going to do the domestics. I thought great role play so I punched her in the face!

Good.

6) My girlfriend told me my libido was too high, I said that must be why I keep winning! She said no you're thinking of limbo.

Doesn't really work.

7) Catamaran = A stupid cat.

Not great.

8) If I ever catch anyone who is into voyeurism I tell them to take a long hard look at themselves.

Good.

9) I bought my girlfriend a candleabra for her birthday but it melted and her boobs fell out.

Nope.

10) Excuse me I am looking for a book called "I want to show I'm slightly surprised using linguistics" by R B Damned.

Hee hee.

11) Cajun Chicken is frowned upon by responsible egg sellers.

Meh.

12) My mate has a really violent reaction to acronyms, I told him I thought he was a bit OTT.

Good

View original

Thanks for the comments guys it's interesting that two people can have different opinions, one thinks they're crap and another thinks they're ok. Just shows how comedy is about opinions.

Thanks for the feedback.

Quote: mcmurphy1977 @ November 18 2012, 9:14 PM GMT

1) Shambolic, a fake testicle!

A good (not sure if it's original) punch in search of a joke.
e.g. I got my cat some fake testicles, it was shambolic.

2) I went to a university that specialised in the study of cheese. I am now part of their Halloumni.
rhyme is too much of a stretch. I'd suggest Hallouminati is a better fit.

3) I was bullied at school by this girl who kept calling me names so I went to the library to find a book to help me. I found 'To Kill a Mocking Bird' it was no use at all.
way too much explanation. But it's quite a tricky joke to shape;
"I bought my sarcy wife a hardback book. A birthday present? Nah to kill a mocking bird." Mine isn't very good its a tricky one.

4) My girlfriend just ate half the candyfloss in our loft. She will be in intensive care for two weeks.
Back to front. I spent 2 weeks in hospital, it wasn't candy floss in my loft."

5) I was on a training course and the trainer said we are going to do the domestics. so I punched her in the face!
There's just a few lines of explanation you don't need.

6) My girlfriend told me my libido was too high, I said that must be why I keep winning! She said no you're thinking of limbo.
poor
7) Catamaran = A stupid cat.
Rhyme is to forced.
8) If I ever catch anyone who is into voyeurism I tell them to take a long hard look at themselves.
Too forced. Something like, "I'm addicted to wanking in the mirror, I need to take a long hard look at myself"
9) I bought my girlfriend a candleabra for her birthday but it melted and her boobs fell out.
Bit forced, maybe "I bought my girlfriend a candleabra so I could see her tits at night."
10) Excuse me I am looking for a book called "I want to show I'm slightly surprised using linguistics" by R B Damned.

11) Cajun Chicken is frowned upon by responsible egg sellers.
Good
12) My mate has a really violent reaction to acronyms, I told him I thought he was a bit OTT.
Very good
So what do you guys think.

Cheers

View original

Generally just work on structure and lose some of those rhymes and you're going places.

Ah googling the joke, the comedians eternal route to disapointment.

Some times it's easier just to aim low to begin with.

Do you think they have all been done before then styley? I agree with the shambolic one but was fairly confident that the others would be original.

Just done a Google search and Shambolic is the only one that has been done before.

Point taken.

I think it is a good exercise in writing, and I haven't heard any of them before.

I actually liked 4) My girlfriend just ate half the candyfloss in our loft. She will be in intensive care for two weeks.

Because I could picture it.

I wouldn't spend to much time googling your jokes, it's always good to have a look but, that will stop you from writing and that's what we are all here for.

Thanks Carlos and it is the writing I enjoy. I also thing that if you write one liners or use word play then you will always run the risk that someone got there before you. You're right this could stop you from writing in the first place.

Quote: mcmurphy1977 @ November 18 2012, 9:14 PM GMT

8) If I ever catch anyone who is into voyeurism I tell them to take a long hard look at themselves.

View original

This is the one I like. I think it would work better for narcissists, though.

1) Shambolic, a fake testicle! - funny

2) I went to a university that specialised in the study of cheese. I am now part of their Halloumni. - hope you get the delivery spot on.

3) I was bullied at school by this girl who kept calling me names so I went to the library to find a book to help me. I found 'To Kill a Mocking Bird' it was no use at all. - funny, but can it be shorter?

4) My girlfriend just ate half the candyfloss in our loft. She will be in intensive care for two weeks. - hmm...

5) I was on a training course and the trainer said we are going to do the domestics. I thought great role play so I punched her in the face! -vague

6) My girlfriend told me my libido was too high, I said that must be why I keep winning! She said no you're thinking of limbo. -ugh! lol

7) Catamaran = A stupid cat. -nope

8) If I ever catch anyone who is into voyeurism I tell them to take a long hard look at themselves. -Brilliant!

9) I bought my girlfriend a candleabra for her birthday but it melted and her boobs fell out. -back to nope

10) Excuse me I am looking for a book called "I want to show I'm slightly surprised using linguistics" by R B Damned. -?

11) Cajun Chicken is frowned upon by responsible egg sellers.- had to read it 3 times, but could sound funny

12) My mate has a really violent reaction to acronyms, I told him I thought he was a bit OTT. -Good

BTW- much better than I could do. Well done!