Stand up. One liners.

The following are a few one liners that I regard as borderline in terms of whether or not to include them. Do you think the punchlines are a bit too guessable?

1) I went to my local nightclub last week. There was a bouncer at the door. But eventually he got off his trampoline and went inside.

2) I was wearing my best shoes. I stood on a pile of nails. Sole destroying.

3) A man came up to me and said "I want you to give money to large wild animals". I was paying big bucks.

4) I went to buy a scratchcard earlier. But by the time I got to the front of the que the itch was gone.

5) I went to the pub last night. My friend Michael was already there, he was standing in the corner, completely wrapped in Christams paper. It was an open Mike night.

Cheers.

Hi Numpty, welcome to the site. I am not a standup but in my humble opinion:

1) I went to my local nightclub last week. There was a bouncer at the door. But eventually he got off his trampoline and went inside. - thereis a good joke here somewhere but needs rewritten

2) I was wearing my best shoes. I stood on a pile of nails. Sole destroying. - very good as it is

3) A man came up to me and said "I want you to give money to large wild animals". I was paying big bucks. - same as no 1.

4) I went to buy a scratchcard earlier. But by the time I got to the front of the que the itch was gone. This is ok

5) I went to the pub last night. My friend Michael was already there, he was standing in the corner, completely wrapped in Christams paper. It was an open Mike night. - best of the bunch, very funny.

1 and 5 have potential.

Thanks for commenting. I thought number five was the weakest but obviously not.

Cheers.

5 is a bit too tenuous.

The Bouncer one has great potential though IMO

I think you're going to get a load of different answers to this one. 2 was my favourite. I can see 1 being very funny if tweaked slightly.

Yes, only 2 and 3 for me, but 3 a bit clumsy.

The bouncer gag is too obvious by far.

Doesn't that just show you what a lottery comedy can be when we all saw merits, or otherwise, in different jokes?

IMHO, they are all okay as starting points for jokes but they all need to be tightened up.

No. 2 was the best for me. Except, when I hear "standing on a pile of nails" I picture unbelievable pain rather than just "soul destroying". But you could write that joke a lot of different and funny ways. For example:

"(You know) That terrible feeling when you step in dog poo....sole destroying"

Sole/Soul is quite a well worn bit of wordplay though.
You'd have to make the joke very good to get laugh I reckon.

hi

2 and 3 very good. You must have some good stuff if you thought these were on the cusp. The rest are much weaker in my opinion. However, would like to hear more

Quote: Numpty @ November 4 2012, 9:25 PM GMT

2) I was wearing my best shoes. I stood on a pile of nails. Sole destroying.

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This made me laugh.

I don't wanna sound negative but,Tim vine springs to mind on this one I'm afraid.

Personally (as a stand up) I think the only way you will ever know if they are any good is to try them on stage. I had about 30 one lners I wasn't sure about so I just went to an open mic comedy night and read them from my notebook. you will soon find out if they are good enough.