Go on then - do your worst!
Let us know honestly what you think. (Lucky AA isn't here!)
http://pc.celtx.com/project/xo6d0uEkC4uT
Click on screenplay - please!
Warzone
Yes Paweeeeeeeeease Peeps.
We understand we are asking to take up some of your time here, but only if you just skim or read the first few scenes, we will be forever in your debt. We want honesty. Be as brutal as you like.
I would offer my 'Down dirty Alley' Services but I have a feeling you would all rather not.
So please, pretty, pretty please with big, red, ripe & juicy cherries on top.
Fankoo in advance.
xxxx
I've read it and I think it's brilliant - but then I may be a trifle biased.
The characters are absolutely mental!
I laughed then stopped and thought f**king hell this is familiar. You havent ben stalking me have you? I enjoyed it the formatting seemed to slip in and out a bit but prob coz was published on web.Is it part of bigger project?
Maybe!
Oh shit - I see what you mean.
Hi Gavin.
Thanks for looking at it.
The formating was done as the programme told me too.
Ie if it is a character name you click that button, Dialogue, you click that button.
First time I used it though so maybe I didly did something wrong.
Also it is in a screenplay format.
Those characters! Especially Mary lol!
Great way to start the morning. I enjoyed it and it really made me laugh.
Well done Charley and Dave
Dave and Charley in the tree....
liked it - especially the exchange between Mary and Caroline.
You need to tidy up the formatting - tut tut !
Right guys i fooked up with the formatting somehow. DERRRRRRRRR!
try this
Thanks to Nick & Jude too.
Yeah - thanks Nick & Jude.
It does need another scene or so but it's nearly there.
I had to let Charley do all the tech stuff.
With the writing all the best stuff is mine by the way!
A lot of work there guys and some dialogue was good with a very mixed up scenario and hence tension!
However I may be missing something, but the hold on the 2 characters by the mother does not seem to add up. When Caroline visits the mother is sort of pleased to see her and the dialogue here is OK. But, Mary wants to punish her daughter and 'twat face', but why make her daughter's life miserable? Just a little concerned about the dichotomy of Mary and therefore parts of the story.
Sorry, but its constructive criticism i hope you understand and willing to stand corrected. Good luck with the re-writes. What's the overall outlook, do you envisage, for this and other series'?
Thanks Batman.
IMO. Hopefully Dave will agree
Mary is an evil old bint really, her reasons for keeping them together is that although she despises Twat Face a marriage break up is yet another failure on her daughters part. A few episodes from this Mary's reasoning becomes clearer. Of course she does love her daughter but she was never and is never good enough.
Dave & I are in talks about how to develop Mary's character. She has this paranoia that everyone is trying to kill her. I would like to see her try to hire a hitman on Twat Face, after wrongly assuming he has on her. That is still in discussion though. I want this to get darker & darker but it is also up to my Dave.
Maybe we should add a bit Dave to make this more clearer. Batman has a point here.
What do you think Dave??????? HUH????? Oiiiii DAVE!
Yes.
We've got lots of bits and pieces - trying to structure it right and get some story lines.
At the moment the start of episode 2 flashes back to 6 months before explaining a few things.
To me it made more sense like this than starting it there - more intriguing somehow.
Anyway - keep the comments coming please.
So this is what you two were up to behind the bike shed. I've read about half but i'll keep you in suspense about my thoughts when i have time to read the rest 
You meanie AJP.
Now I want to know them more than ever.
You are as bad as my Mother and her ALMOST buying me this great thing she saw.