Kim Philby stands under a single street light on a deserted street corner smoking a cigarette, a man walks through the mist and approaches him
Man - The bluebirds are conspicuous by their absence
Philby - And we are so close to Dover
Man - Kim
Philby - Ivan, good to see you old friend, but this is very dangerous, the circus is on to me
Man - Kim we have decided its time you came in from the cold
Philby - Thank God! I am so sick of this degenerate western society, it is soft I tell you, full of fools whose class gives them power they do not deserve. The greed makes me sick, the conspicuous consumption is endemic, all they care for is themselves and their petty bourgeois lives.
Man - Yes, don't worry comrade you will soon be free of the shackles of the capitalist running dogs
Philby - Thank you Ivan, when do I go
Man - Tomorrow. We sneak you out of the country to France, then across Europe to East Berlin. We have everything ready for you Comrade. A poky little flat in the middle of Moscow with a view of the gas works, there you will be allowed, and this is only because you are a hero, to light two bars of the communal heater for up to three hours a day. You shall dine on our finest tinned pilchards, on Sundays only of course. Once every three months you will be allowed to go to the Moscow Centre and smell our cheese, see an orange and if your really lucky gaze upon the countries pride and joy, and last remaining after dinner mint. Yes my friend it is the high life for you, we have a draughty office prepared where you will spend the day stamping death warrants, you will be provided with three state meals a day, pickled borsht for breakfast, boiled borsht for lunch and for dinner Borscht surprise
Philby - What's the surprise
Man - It's the same borscht that you had for breakfast but with a carrot!
Philby - Yum. Ivan?
Man - Yes Kim
Philby - How cold is it in Moscow just now?
Ivan - Six below freezing, so not so bad. Many Muscovite's are taking advantage of the clement weather by wearing short sleeve shirts and donning sun glasses. And of course it is festival week
Philby - Festival week?
Man - Yes the festival of turning in your neighbours for being enemies of the state. Oh the sight of the happy little children as their Mother's and Father's are dragged away by the KGB for being subversives
Philby - Ivan I don't think I can go tomorrow I have a dentists appointment, loose filling I'm afraid, very painful
Man - Don't worry Comrade we have very good state dentists, nearly half of their patients now make a full recovery, some twenty per cent actually talk again
Philby - The thing is Ivan, the dear lady wife and I were planning a trip to the Opera next week, wedding anniversary and all that.
Man - Kim we have Opera, a new one has just been commissioned, it is a twelve hour telling of the story of the first Agricultural five year plan devised by our beloved Marshall Stalin. Magda the poor farm girl and Boris the muscular farm hand single headedly overthrow the oppressive yoke of capitalism while partaking of many Russian folk dances. It is how you say, a laugh an hour
Philby - You mean laugh a minute
Man - No laugh an hour?
Philby - Oh God. I forgot I must be going, I'm going to miss my bus, must get back to feed the cat.
Man - But Kim I have not told you where we will make the drop from
Philby - Terribly sorry must dash left a casserole on the hob, jolly good to see you Ivan!
Philby disappears down the road
Man - Oh well more state sponsored borsht for me I guess, next month it is my turn to suck the State pickle, Oh how we shall sing!