I Never really Bothered

A man is eating his sandwich on a park bench. Another man sits next to him and unwraps some tin foil.

Man 1 Fish paste again! I hate fish paste, I just don't think fish should be made into a paste. Do you?

Other man tries to ignore him

Man 1 I mean who first saw a fish and thought, look at this silver wonder of creation, this shining vision created by an unknown God, or slowly developed over millions of years of evolution to reach the pinnacle of beauty and practicality and thought what shall I do with it? I know I'll mash it up and spread it on bread.?

Man 2 - Yes I suppose so.

Man 1 - Having your lunch?

Man 2 Yes

Man 1 What have you got?

Man 2 A cheese and walnut brioche and a skinny Latte

Man 1 Cheese and walnut? I think I prefer the fish paste. Bloody fish paste, mind you I don't know why I'm surprised, I made my own lunch today.

Man 1 undoes his thermos and pours tomato soup into a cup.

Man 1 what do you do?

Man 2 I'm a Merchant banker

Man 1 - I'd keep that quiet squire? I saw some pensioners waving their pension books carrying torches and a length of rope. Ha, Ha. Just joking squire, sure it was nothing to do with you. Mind it's a bloody mess the country. Still you'll be alright, can't let the banks go under. I'm not sure why? But that's what they say isn't it?

Man 2 Yes quite

Man 1 I could have gone into banking. I mean that was a career option for me, I never really bothered though. To honest! Ha, ha

Man 2 Really, what do you do?

Man 1 Well nothing really, as I said I never really bothered.

Man 2 But how do you live, what do you do for money?

Man 1 Well by trade I am a Betamax video repair man. But since bloody VHS and now bloody DVD, works been very thin on the ground. I am now what is known as between jobs.

Man 2 How long have you been....between jobs?

Man1 Since 1984. As I said I never really bothered. I see myself as more of a philosopher of life really. Graduate in the school of hard knocks.

Man 2 Oh I'm sorry it must have been very difficult for you

Man 1 No not really I never really bothered

Man 2 Well I must be going

Man 1 Yes things to see, people to do, Ha ha

Man 2 Yes quite, goodbye

Man 1 Yes goodbye squire, stay lucky!

The man bites into his sandwich as the other man walks away

Man 1 Yes as I said I never really bothered.

Man stares blankly across the park.

Pingy I am not getting this straight off the bat which I normally would with your gear and that for me is a bad sign. It needs loads more humour and a big punch!

The plan, and I stress plan, it may not work on any level, was to make a series of vignettes set on a park bench with this character, I want a certain amount of pathos in it, outwardly cheerful, inwardly sad, don't know if it works really, I'll post a couple more to see if anyone can see where I'm going. Thanks Ted, I know what you mean, I think I'm trying to make my sketches a bit more melancholic, don't know if its working.

That's really depressed me! Did chuckle at Betamax repair man though.

Two sketches Later....

Man walks up to a park bench where another man is sitting

Man 1 Excuse me squire is this seat taken

Man 2 No squire, not unless the invisible mans sitting there! Ha, ha

Man 2 Oh very good Ha, ha

The man sits down and opens his sandwiches, the other man has identical looking sandwiches in his hand

Man 1 Having your lunch?

Man 2 Yes bloody fish paste

Man 1 Now isn't that a funny thing I've got fish paste!

Man 2 No, well it's a small world

Man 1 It is, it's a small world. As Disney would say it's a small world after all, ha, ha

Man 2 Yes, your right it's a small world, like Disney would say, ha, ha

Man 1 On your lunch break?

Man 2 No.

Man 1 Oh day off?

Man 2 No I never really bothered

Man 1 That's funny because I've never really bothered either

Man 2 You don't say?

Man 1 Yes, I was only saying to that lady over there I never really bothered

Man 2 I never bothered. I mean I'm a Stylophone tuner by trade, but the works just not there, so I never really bothered

Man 1 Same for me, except for the stylophone, I never really bothered

Man 2 Yes, never bothered

Man 1 - Exactly

Man 2 Well I must be getting on, things not to do

Man 1 Yes indeed, things not to do, people not to see

Man 2 Well cheerio, stay lucky!

Man 1 Yes TTFN, stay lucky!

Man walks off

Man 1 What a terrible bore!

The betamax and Stylophone are the only good parts Pingy.
I can see what you want to do but if you put stuff up in sections they should be able to stand in their own right.
I would do it all and then present it as a complete in order to convey the entire message. That's my honest opinion Pingy.

No probs Ted, much appreciated, I think I'll give it some more thought and try and plump it up a bit

I like this; perhaps a little more comedy, a little less pathos, but I could see this as a film insert in sketch show. Struggling to think which performer it would suit mind.