James Bonged

Bonged climbed off the pair of swedish twins and picked up the phone :

' hello ? ' say bonged
' hello ? bonged this is M'

BONGED: ' M ? this is a terrible line ? is that you '

M: ' no bonged , its not U , its M !'

BONGED: ' eh ? '

M: ' for gods sake man , its M , not A , he's working with the CIA !'

BONGED: ' ahhh C , I and A .... how are they all ..still think its strange we employed triplets ! '

M: 'oh shut up bonged !! I am loosing my patience , this is M , who do you think it would be ?? '

BONGED: ' B ? is he still head of character asasinations ? conratulations on him for that jimmy saville stuff !'

M: ' are you really being stupid on purpose bonged ? is there any particular reason why ?'

BONGED: ' ahhh Y ..... how on earth are you ? '

M: ' this is your last chance bonged , stop messing around ok ? '

BONGED: ' O and K ? our famous mi5 chefs ? what have they got to do with they this ? '

M: ' bonged , I can have you killed for this ! it would be easy !'

BONGED: ' don't think I know E and Z ... which department are they in ?'

M ' BONGED !! THIS IMPORTANT !! I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR Q '

BONGED: ' well ifthat's your attitude , f**k you too !!

click. reciever goes down .
end.

This is fun pact and lever I give 7 out of double 00

done this 2 days ago and only 1 comment !! is it really that bad ?? come on guys gimme some feedback plz lol

Oil one reccomendation from me is worth 10 from Brian sewell

lol in that case I owe you 10 thanks lol !

I think it's very funny, reminds me of the court scene jokes in Airplane:

"And he bailed out"
"Andy bailed out?"

Some of them don't actually work, though. There's no way you could twist the sentence involving "why" to mean "I am Y", for example.

Tighten it up and it could be very good. I like the "for Q" punchline a lot (Fur Q was a rapper on The Day Today, of course, but that doesn't matter).

It's alright, it could be tighter, but I'm sure you already know that.

As for feedback I think there are times when some will give good practical advice but most of the time there is a sense of apathy toward this section.
I use to post a lot of stuff but you get such limited feedback that it can actually have the effect of getting you down.

Just do what you do and enjoy doing it, if you get feedback thank the poster and if you get nothing don't question yourself just put it down to a degree of apathy.

I was at a loss trying to fathom it out as this is a big site so I used to expect more action.
I now realise that a lot of members use other sections to talk in general or to discuss comedy they have watched on TV.

I think the site is more for fans of comedy than writers of it so you can't expect them to relate to the angst of a writer or be confident enough to offer constructive feedback.

I think this section would benefit from indicating the number of views a piece has, they do that on Chortle so you can get a sense of the numbers viewing your post.

Either way you need to work on your confidence because if you're doubting if its funny then you're in deep shit.

no , I thought it was funny but just wanted to make sure other people found it funny as well ...as you know , something that has one person rolling about with laughter will just raise a disconcerting eyebrow with others

Its certainly funny I can picture some amateur radio sketch show or stage show or blog would want it

Like most good stuff in critique it need a tidy up make it a little mor contemporary to bond film and news revue might buy it

Or just take a bask in the warm glow of your fellow writes admiration

Teddy, apathy might not be the correct term. Nobody's obliged to read or respond to every little joke posted here, and I suspect people have many reasons not to comment on many threads, but I doubt lassitude is amongst them.

I like it and don't see any reason to change it to be honest.

If you really want to, maybe just leave the last line as reading, "well, if that's your attitude..." and slams the phone down. Although even then I don't think it's essential.