British Comedy Guide

NJ Archive Reject

JUSTIN - Last week the finishing touches were put on rebuilding the ICT 1301, which is one of the UK's oldest computers unfortunately when they switched it on they got an error reading 0-0-1. Although unimpressive by modern standards this machine shocked the world when it was built - mainly because it cost two hundred and fifty thousand pounds. To see the impact it had let's go back, to a time when men wore giant moustaches without raising awareness for prostrate cancer, with our report from the archive

INTERVIWER - The year - ninety sixty two. The location - one mans lab. The ability to form coherent sentences - on my to-do list. I have come with my long and super skinny microphone to interview Professor RandomSurname about his latest invention, which he thinks will revolutionize how we live. So Professor what is it I am looking at?

BOFFIN - That's a pen. The ICT 1301 is the grey machine that is touching the wall..and the opposite wall..and that other wall..and next doors wall,

INTERVIEWER - So apart from intimidate what does it do?

BOFFIN - It acts like a human memory - you can store information on it. For instance it can hold two addresses, or one picture or even a very very short story

INTERVIEWER - My shelf holds more than that. Are you seriously telling me that this thing has the memory capacity of my great uncle Jack?

BOFFIN - Every journey begins with the first step. This is a prototype of things to come - the ability to store anything is amazing and computers will keep getting better and better.

INTERVIEWER - Maybe they'll be able store three addresses (!)

BOFFIN - Mark my words one day every home in the world will have one of these

INTERVIEWER - You heard it here first, in the future we'll all live in giant houses.

BOFFIN - You're missing the big picture

INTERVIEWER - Is it behind the big computer? Look this will never take off and I'm sick of reporting on these pointless stories. Last week I did a story on that new soap Coronation Street and the week before was that stupid Sci Fi show Dr Who. And after this I've been told go report on a four piece Liverpudlian band destined for nowhere - what kind of name is The Lime Street Boys?

END

Share this page