In shocking news; world famous psychic Derek Applecoarer has revealed even in death the BBC have been unable to keep a track of beloved children's entertainer; and probable paedophile Jimmy Saveloy. The lisping, effeminate, Liverpudlian had revealed he had been interviewing along with his Indian spirit companion "talks with bull"; the spirits of children murdered by Noel Edmonds on his "late, late breakfast show". Too see if they had been murdered in
order to fulfil sir Jimmy's unnatural lusts for recently departed, youths. 'Put it this way it wasn't embalming fluid he was pumping them with,' stated the scouse, granny robber.
Apparently sir Jimmy was nowhere to be found in the afterlife, despite the light fingered, light loafered friend of the dead interviewing such after life luminaries as Jesus, Cleopatra and Jim Bowen. Saveloy been raised from the dead by evil African child army general Joseph Icecreamconey, who was working in Scarborough at the time as an illegal ice cream van man. Joseph was using the zombie, fun running pederast to terrorise children into joining his army. With the carrot of a Jim'll fix it badge and the stick of a poke with his zombie dinkle if they didn't comply. Whole villages in the Upper Congo area had been cleared by his dreaded war cry.
"Kill them now! Kill them now, then, now, then!"
The current BBC DG said in a prepared Statement this morning.
'I would like to sincerely apologise for whatever the BBC couldn't be bothered to investigate; be it Johnny Morris raping a gibbon, John Noakes and Shep spit Roasting the littlest hobo or Ainsley Harriot in general. I will now resign and return to my job cleaning the bogs at television centre.'
