http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7xrV-WK0Wg
This is my public stand-up debut. Really trying to work out which bits work for people and which don't to hone my material. All feedback appreciated.
Public Standup Debut
You say it's your public debut yet the description for the video credits it as your third live performance. Why must you turn this forum into a house of lies, Timothy?
My first two were as part of a competition and a talent show respectively. This was the first openly public venue in which I've performed live. (Only realised that after doing the titles of the video).
Quote: David Bussell @ October 23 2012, 3:10 PM BSTWhy must you turn this forum into a house of lies, Timothy?
Ha!
Quote: Timothy Swann @ October 23 2012, 3:13 PM BSTMy first two were as part of a competition and a talent show respectively. This was the first openly public venue in which I've performed live. (Only realised that after doing the titles of the video).
In that case I will tamp down my fury and get to the business of giving honest feedback...
First off, lose the swan joke. No one cares that your surname is also the name of an animal. It comes over as solipsistic, plus the joke itself is pretty weak. The Queen is allowed to eat you because she can also kill swans?
From this point I'd planned to comment on the rest of the jokes as they rolled in but honestly, you'd lost me completely by the two minute mark. If I were in the audience I'd have used your set to make a bar run. I'm sure you can tell from the awkward coughing and the lack of laughter that you were bombing, so hopefully my critique won't come as any surprise.
Moving on, I'd recommend losing the "I'm wacky!" lab coat. The next step would be to write down your set (start with 5 minutes at first - 10 is a tall order for a newbie!) and highlight all the lines you expect to get a laugh. Be honest about it too. If more than 20 seconds passes between any of those highlights then you have work to do (unless you're building towards a punch that really does justify a lengthlier set-up). Lastly, start your set with something punchy that grabs the audience right away.
I could go into more detail about your physicality and your presentation, but right now you need to concentrate on writing some decent material. Good luck.
Another showbiz career nipped in the bud.
I've never tried it (so good on you for giving it a go), but before you do it again, please listen to David Bussell's advice. I was starting to feel bad for you going so long without a proper laugh.
I think Mr Bussell was advising the stand up to sit down.
If I'd meant that I wouldn't have bothered offering critique, would I?
Weirdly, the swan joke is usually the joke that gets a really good reaction (from say others that have viewed the video, even if ambivalent about the rest).
As for the rest, yeah, the difficulty is in translating material that seems good in the writing room to that which works on stage, which was I suppose the aim of the exercise. You know, you go out, you do something, and you have to judge - did it fail because it was badly written, or because of the crowd, or because of my delivery etc.
And yeah, I became very conscious part way through that although 10 minutes give you much more time to see what works and what doesn't, it 's also a huge time to be on stage.
Quote: Timothy Swann @ October 23 2012, 5:41 PM BSTdid it fail because it was badly written, or because of the crowd,
A good starting point, given that you're brand new to this, is to assume that it's always you. Might not be true, but you won't get better any time soon so long as you're blaming the audience for not laughing.
Yeah, good point. Stand-Up is a very different beast from podcasts, I have discovered!
(For good or ill, the biggest laugh of the night at that night was a man repeating the phrase 'pussy-whipped' whilst telling a story).
I don't know do I?
I liked the bio-ethics commitee line.
Not really anything else though, I'm afraid. 
My advice is to keep listening to people, keep questioning what works and what doesn't and essentially while it is still enjoyable, keep at it.
It takes real balls to get up there and do stand up, so well done.