Battle of Balaclava. Two men sit atop horses looking at the battle below
Lord Raglan - Makes you proud to be British
Lord Lucan - Indeed Sir.
Lord Raglan - I mean look at how well the men are looked after. Thanks to Lord Cardigan they all have natty woolen waistcoats that can keep them warm in the cold, and yet are easily removed if it gets hotter,
Lord Lucan - Yes indeed, and not only that but thanks to the Earl of Sandwich they all have lovely packed lunches of ham or cheese conveniently placed between two slices of bread.
Lord Raglan - I know, progress is a marvellous thing you knows. Sergeant Major Jones!
Jones - Yes Sir!
Lord Raglan - Will you tell Captain Banks to report here.
Jones - that will be a little difficult Sir.
Lord Raglan - Difficult, what do you mean difficult!
Jones - Well sir all the men are wearing balaclavas Sir, can't tell them apart Sir.
Lord Raglan - Bala whats?
Jones - Balaclavas Sir. Cotton hats that cover your face except for two eye holes Sir. Invented by the regiment that first captured Balaclava Sir. Named after the town Sir.
Lord Raglan - Bally silly idea. Right shout out his name until he answers and report back here.
Jones - Yes Sir, right away Sir!
Lord Raglan - Damn silly idea!
Lord Lucan - Cavy here comes Lord Mobile
A man rides up with a tin can in his hand attached to a long piece of string
Lord Mobile - Hello chaps
Lord raglan - For gods sake Mobile what's that in your hand.
Lord Mobile - it's my new invention, it's a can attached to string. I talk through one end and my men at the other end hear my orders, I'm going to call it the Mobile.
Lord Raglan - Well I'll be jiggered Sir what will they think of next
Another man approaches on a horse
Lord Raglan - Oh God no its that bounder Lord Saville, quick Lucan lets get back to camp the mans a cad and a bounder, I can hear his medals jangling from here. Lucan? Lucan? Where is he? He's always disappearing the shifty bugger.
