JUSTIN: New fathers could take almost 12 months of paternity leave in plans being drafted by the coalition. We've scoured our archive and found that the role dads played in childcare was not always set in stone.
RUTHERFORD STIFFPANTS: [CLIPPED ENGLISH] Family life, 1951-style; albeit one with a peculiar twist. I'm with the Whimple family as they await the arrival of tiny crying adult number three. Tommy and Susan are relaxing by the wireless while overworked, heroic father attempts to cook dinner. Mother is upstairs making a terrific hullabaloo.
SHIRLEY WHIMPLE: [CHILDBIRTH-RELATED SCREAMS AND MOANS]
MR WHIMPLE: Shirley's spent the last few weeks unable to complete basic household tasks, like accusing neighbours of being communists and retiling the roof. I need a holiday, but experience suggests the shoehorn would go unbuffed and my clay pipe will clog up.
STIFFPANTS: Mrs Whimple may have made life terribly difficult for her family, but salvation could come in the form of an irrational decision made by her husband. He's risking his entire reputation by taking 24 hours off work to bring up baby.
MR WHIMPLE: My peers don't understand and I've been called "Mrs Mother" and "Wet Nurse Whimple" by my boss. And the parish vicar in his sermon. But sharing the childcare equally is surely best for the little one? I hope so; I don't want to create one of those camp types, passionate about musical theatre and empathising.
STIFFPANTS: And what of Susan and Tommy? Do they worry their father's reckless act makes him more Nancy than Frank Sinatra?
SUSAN:I expect it provides mother with some rest, but I've lost all respect for him.
TOMMY: There's only me wearing the trousers in this family now, and I'm seven. I don't know why father doesn't just don a tabard and join the Wrens.
FX: SMASH AND CRASH OF POTS AND PANS IN THE KITCHEN
MR WHIMPLE: [SHOUTING UPSTAIRS] Which one is the hot tap, Shirley? For God's sake, this is all too much!
STIFFPANTS: And there we must leave the Whimple family; revolutionising parental responsibilities and trying not to make pater time a waste of time for all involved in this most unnecessary experiment. Rutherford Stiffpants, Domestic Affairs correspondent.