Just Desserts

We see a young nervous looking man dressed in a suit in an interview like scenario.

Facing him over a desk is a tough looking no nonsense man in a short sleeve shirt and tie.

The older man looks down at a file and then smiles as he speaks

OLDER MAN
"So you've come directly from the academy then?"

YOUNG MAN
"Yes sir!"

OLDER MAN
"And you've been fast tracked straight to Detective Constable"

YOUNG MAN
"Yes Sir!"

OLDER MAN
"You must be very smart"

YOUNG MAN
"Modesty forbids sir, but I can hold my own, I came top in every class and I have a first from Oxford in criminology and I am an expert in both languages and martial arts!"

OLDER MAN
"Very impressive Detective...."

YOUNG MAN
"Custard sir, 798 DC Clifford Custard!"

OLDER MAN
"You must have got hell in the academy with a name like that son!"

YOUNG MAN
"To a degree sir, but it was generally good natured"

OLDER MAN
Serious Tone
"Well the streets you'll be policing aren't good natured Custard, you'll see humanity in all its gore. This is the Serious Crime Unit son, you'll soon find that murders are common, the hours are long and no one out there likes us!"

YOUNG MAN
"I understand sir"

A man walks into the office without knocking, he is a tall and thin and wearing a shoulder holster.

The older man points to the younger as he speaks.

OLDER MAN
"Harry this is your new partner Cliff Custard, he's straight out of the academy"

HARRY
"You are joking! There's no way!"

OLDER MAN
Very stern
"You don't pick your partners Harry I do! And do you know why? Because I'm a DI and you're a DS, you come up to my rank before we negotiate, till then you follow orders"

HARRY
"I know why you're doing this and I don't like it!"

OLDER MAN
"Well you can lump it! Custards now your partner and I want you both down at Camden Leisure Centre ASAP we have solid information that Larry Lime is playing in a Squash competition, I want him nicked, make sure you're cordial no rough stuff it could dilute the case"

HARRY
"I know you're taking the piss and one of these days I'm going to prove it!"

OLDER MAN
" Custard "

YOUNG MAN
Stands to attention
"Sir"

OLDER MAN
"Go with DS Jelly here"

Sorry to be negative but...

I sometimes find your sketches too brief, but felt that this one was too drawn out as it was fairly predictable once we found out Custard's surname (and a dead cert from Harry's opening line "You are joking! There's no way!").

Although admittedly I was expecting Harry Crumble since detective pairings often get an 'and' between the names.

But then I also found your RYO sketch predictable - so maybe today I'm just too aligned with your sketches and getting them way too early. Both are nice ideas if they can be delivered with more surprise.

Thank you.

I liked the premise.
I did a similar police partner name sketch a little while back.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/21984#P795522

Sorry no intent to plagerise I was genuinely unaware, I suppose its got to happen once you move into the whole 'Custard Genre'

Just read yours and its better so there was no way I would copy with the intention of making a thing worse.

Oh no I didn't mean you'd plagiarised anything.
I just meant that It was an idea that I'd quite liked myself

Even if you can see the pay-off from a mile it, if written well enough, can still be funny.
Like the old man in 'The Fast Show' that used to say 'oh Bugger'
You knew from the start he was going to fall down that hole but you still laughed
Jelly and Custard is a funny combination. I liked it Teddy