Here's an abject failure from last week.
Dan
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NJ: Tolkien Poem
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JUSTIN:
Britain's most renowned professor of the made-up, JRR Tolkien, has had a poem painstakingly remastered by his son and it is now to be published. This raised fans' excitement levels so much, it almost brought down World of Warcraft.
ASSISTANT:
Erm... Mr Jackson, sir?
JACKSON:
Hang on, assistant. I'm just putting the finishing touches to the final part of the trilogy of the movie version of the very short book, The Hobbit...
ASSISTANT:
Actually, Your Long-Windedness, that's what I'm here about: one of JRR Tolkien's restricted poems has just been published for the first time.
JACKSON:
What?! Why didn't I know about this?! Ok! Book in a trilogy!
ASSISTANT:
It's only a thousand lines, sire!
JACKSON:
A thousand lines? We'll make it a kilogy! A thousand-part series of movies!
ASSISTANT:
But, my Lord, with the greatest respect... that's mental!
JACKSON:
You're right! Let's release a film for each word! No! Each letter will easily translate to a three-hour film! Six hours for the superior director's cut!
ASSISTANT:
What? Your obsessiveness...
JACKSON:
Hang on! Each of those letters are made up of countless tiny dots strung together. I could make the world's first infinitology! The fanboys would literally never tire of it! Just think of the size of the Blu-Ray box!
ASSISTANT:
(SIGHS) You do know people are saying you have your head firmly up your backside, don't you, sir?
JACKSON:
They are?
F/X
QUEEZING. POP
JACKSON (CT'D):
(ECHO) My God! Look at the space in here! This is ideal! Get Elijah Wood on the phone! Now!
END