INT. DAY: GYNAECOLOGISTS OFFICE
[MRS JENKINS IS LYING ON THE EXAMINATION TABLE. HER LEGS ARE IN STIRRUPS. SHE IS WEARING A GOWN, WHICH COMES UP TO HER KNEES. THE GYNNAECOLOGIST IS STANDING AT THE END OF THE EXAMINATION TABLE, A YOUNG MALE NURSE IS STANDING OFF TO ONE SIDE]
GYNAECOLOGIST:
Right then Mrs Jenkins, if you'd like to open wide for me.
MRS JENKINS:
I beg your pardon!?
GYNAECOLOGIST:
Oh excuse me, force of habit, I used to be a dentist, I only recently re-trained for this job.
MRS JENKINS:
From dentist to gynaecologist, that's an unusual career move.
GYNAECOLOGIST:
Well I fancied a change, and it seemed like a good choice because I didn't need a lot of new equipment, I just bolted stirrups onto the old dentist's chair and moved the bright light round to the other end. A lot of the dentist's equipment can be reused in this job, I've not found a use for this yet though.
[GYNAECOLOGIST PICKS UP A DENTISTS DRILL AND BRIEFLY PRESSES THE ON BUTTON. THE WOMAN WINCES AT THE SOUND OF THE DRILL]
GYNAECOLOGIST:
Don't worry, won't be using that one today. Wayne, can you pass me one of those speculums.
[WAYNE, THE MALE NURSE GRABS A PLASTIC SPECULUM FROM A DRAWER AND PASSES IT TO THE GYNAECOLOGIST. ALL THE TIME HE IS LOOKING AWAY EMBARRASEDLY]
GYNAECOLOGIST:
Wayne, you've got to stop being so embarrassed. [TO MRS JENKINS] You'll have to excuse Wayne he was my old dental nurse, he's not got used to the changes yet. [TO WAYNE] Come here Wayne and watch me insert this speculum, you're really going to have to overcome this coyness. Just imagine it's a mouth without teeth.
WAYNE:
[TO HIMSELF] A mouth without teeth, a mouth without teeth....
[WAYNE IS ONLY HALF WATCHING OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE AS GYNAECOLOGIST GETS TO WORK]
GYNAECOLOGIST:
You're no use to me down this end Wayne, go and speak to the patient, put her at her ease.
[WAYNE LOOKS RELIEVED AS HE GOES ROUND TO THE OTHER END OF THE EXAMINATION TABLE. GYNAECOLOGIST GRABS HIS LITTLE DENTISTS MIRROR. HE THEN GRABS THE DENTAL PROBE SPIKE. HE LOOKS AT IT FOR A MOMENT]
GYNAECOLOGIST:
Hmm, maybe not.
[GYNAECOLOGIST REPLACES THE DENTAL PROBE SPIKE ON THE INSTRUMENT TRAY]
WAYNE:
So... erm.. Vaginas eh, what's that all about?
[MRS JENKINS GIVES AN EMBARRASED SMILE AND SHRUGS SLIGHTLY.]
WAYNE:
So it's quite apt that your appointment was at two thirty, eh?
MRS JENKINS:
Why's that?
WAYNE:
Well because two thirty sounds like.... Oh yeah forget that, that only works with dentists appointments. What's a funny time for a Gynaecology appointment?
GYNAECOLOGIST:
Right I think we're all done here, everything seems to be ok.
[GYNAECOLOGIST GRABS A CUP OF PINK LIQUID AND A BOWL AND RETURNS TO THE END OF THE EXAM TABLE.]
GYNAECOLOGIST:
If you could just rinse and spit for me, that would be great.
[WE SEE A LOOK OF CONCENTRATION ON MRS JENKINS FACE. WE CAN HEAR A SLURPING NOISE, A SWILLING NOISE FOLLOWED BY A SPITTING NOISE]
END.
