Just a bit of stupidity, a poem comprised ALMOST entirely of puns. Most of them probably have been elsewhere but... you know... at the time of writing them I at least thought I'd thought them up.
hope you like, feedback welcomed.
A stupid poem full of puns
Hahaha! Excellent stuff. Loved your delivery as well!
Oh thank you very much! The ambition in life is try and earn some degree of a living from stand up or sketch acting or both so to have the delivery liked is very kind of you!
All the best.
x
I thought it was a top poem too. But then I like puns.
Great delivery and rhythm ..content and filming (staging) not so good. Take something out and about and work on a narrative in the rap would be my advice! You have the talent.
Really liked this. You seem nice and approachable, even via webcam! Good job!
Hey!!
Sorry for the delayed reaction- thanks for the last 2 comments.Everything taken aboard; very helpful!
All the best
Arron xx
Have you seen Bo Burnham? You remind me a bit of him. Well, he did the "c**try" joke already, but you did admit they've probably been elsewhere. He does raps on YouTube that have lots of puns and word-play in them. Just something as simple as changing a poem to a rap (which ultimately stands for "rhythm and poetry") can make it so much more accessible.
But yeah, I liked your video.
Hey everyone. Thanks (again) for all the lovely and constructive feedback.
@Tom: I'm afraid I hadn't seen much Bo Burnham but have no watched his show 'Words, Words, Words". Fallen head over heels for it- love it. Thank you very much for both the recommendation and comparison. I think pushing these comedy poems into raps is a veyr good idea- something I going to definitely push for in the future when I've got a bit more confidence with what I'm doing (thanks to your suggestion) so thanks for that.
@A is For Adam: Very kind of you, thank you very much!!
@Marp P: Thanks for the constructive notes. I've attempted something else which has a bit more of a narrative to it (as per your advice) but gotta be totally honest- It's very, VERY thin haha! That's why it's a lot shorter (a mere 45 seconds) more of an experiment, but I think you've convinced me that the narrative conceit is a direction to go with.
I might post that here now actually, see if people like that as well. So yeah- this is an attempt at having a bit of a narrative; but is nowhere near as good as you (and I think me...) seem to think I could do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQwU84MgMNQ
Ps. If any of you have stuff among these forums please link me or tell me the name of your thread, I've to have a look/listen/read.
All the best
Arron Ferguson x