Alright - so these characters and this basic plot have been up here before in various forms - but I have culled dialogue, incorporated other characters and generally reworked it for a ten minute play festival. Long time regulars may have read versions of this before, but if anyone has the time - I wouldn't mind some feedback... 
Scene One
(Interior - a fashionable but untidy bohemian looking loft. The remnants of a party are evident. Xander Zanii a slightly plump post-punk dandy, is lying asleep on a sofa in his kimono.There is a table with an an iphone on it and a few partially empty bottles of alcohol and glasses. The door is buzzing. )
Xander: Yes - Hello... good morning.
(The buzzing stops. The phone begins to ring. Xander answers it.)
Xander: Good morning, Group Z Arts Media, Xander Zanii speaking. Yes I know you're buzzing - I'm coming!
(As he speaks, Xander goes to the door.)
Xander: I hope you haven't been out drinking this whole time, you know what we have to do today...
(As he says this, Xander opens the door to Lily Von Lieberslieder - a gothic looking cabaret diva, carrying a nearly empty bottle of vodka. The two hang up their phones. )
Lily: Dump this for me.
Xander: Bloody terrific, Lily!
Lily: You were drinking too.
Xander: I stopped at four-thirty.
Lily: That's why you get hangovers. I just drink on through. Make me another.
(Xander pours two gin and tonics. While Lily checks her phone.)
Xander: You have a terrible problem with alcohol, Lily.
Lily: No I don't - I drink it, I enjoy it - no problem.
Xander: How did you get here?
Lily: Jac drove me.
Xander: Are you telling me Jac was sober?
Lily: Well he...
Xander: Or she?
Lily: I didn't ask.
Xander: Oh - I thought we were going to get that sorted out.
Lily: Jac... stayed inside our lane... most of the way. Who did you wander off with?
Xander: Just Melanie - from the office.
Lily: I knew there was only one reason you hired her.
Xander: She's a very gifted actress.
Lily: And I'm Lady bloody Gaga.
Xander: I'm just... looking for the right part for her. She's a very good personal assistant...
Lily: Who personally assists you every night.
Xander: Shut up and have your drink.
(Lily sees Xander's drink.)
Lily: Look at you.
Xander: I don't want you to drink alone.
Lily: Why do we have to do this today, Xander.
Xander: We need a new project manager - and Lucy's qualified.
Lily: She's a boring little bitch, Xander...
Xander: She's my niece, Lily.
Lily: She'll cut back our entertainment budget, I know it. You should've kept Guy.
Xander: Guy was a boring, penny-pinching little bastard, Lily.
Lily: Not so little ...
Xander: A philistine who wouldn't know creativity if it came up and put his head between his man- tits and went brrrr (makes horse-ish noise while wobbling his face)...like that.
Lily: Hahaha.... He did have man-tits... hahaha.
Xander: Huge man-tits. Think, Lily, his tits are bigger than yours - and his are real!
Lily: Shut up!
Xander: Oh, don't be over sensitive.
Lily: Oh, Xander - you've got your nubile little PA, let me choose the new project manager... I want a Chippendale in a Pierre Cardin tie that I can lead him around with.
Xander: Is it his tie that you want?
Lily: I don't want another another Jenny Craig failure.
Xander: Says the Betty Ford drop out.
Lily: Make me another drink.
Xander: No Lily, we've got to get organised. She'll be here soon and she's not going to agree to be our new project administrator if we can't present an organised front. We've got a huge programme coming up and we need a project manager.
Lily: What are we doing?
Xander: A performance art slash cabaret series about climate change.
Lily: I can do that - I'll do cabaret.
Xander: It's called "From Caligari to Climate Change" - and we've got multi-media exhibition tied in called "The Thousand Eyes of the Metropolis - Expressionist Perspectives on the Industrialised Landscape" - and that's why we've got the grant money!
Lily: Oh, Xander - don't talk to me about grants.
Xander: Well I take you to the grant writing workshops, but you sleep through them. Last time I put your sunglasses on and convinced the people next to us that you were a blind mute from the Arts Inclusion Network. It's just like our marriage - you slept through the whole thing!
Lily: So what - it was only a week.
(The door buzzes.)
Xander: Shit - that'll be her.
(Lily lies down on the couch while Xander runs to look through the peep hole in the door.)
Lily: Count me out.
Xander: Shit, shit it is. Look at this place - if Salvador Dali ever ran a Liquorland outlet...
(The phone rings. Xander answers.)
Xander: Yes... yes, I'm coming!
(Xander hangs up and shoots Lily a withering look as he heads for the door.)
Xander: Lazy cow.
(Xander answers the door to Lucy Llewellen - an attractive young woman dressed in a very business-like fashion.)
Xander: Hello Lucy, my darling! You're early...
(She walks past him.)
Lucy: No I'm not. What is it, Uncle Xander?
Xander: Ooh, straight to it, then! I had an exciting idea to run by you...
(Lucy sees Lily on the couch.)
Lucy: What is this?
Xander: She's a blind mute.
Lucy: Lily Von Lieberslieder.
Lily: (Sitting.) Hello.
Lucy: What's she doing here? You divorced her over a decade ago.
Lily: I'm still Associate Director here, bitch!
Lucy: I knew coming here was a bad idea.
Xander: I want to offer you a job!
Lucy: A job? I work for my fiancée.
Lily: She has a fiancee. He must be getting some on the side!
Xander: Shut up, Lily. What does he do this... fiancee of yours.
Lucy: He runs a marketing firm.
Xander: Lucy - darling, I want to offer you the position of project manager at my fantastic company!
Lucy: What happened to Guy?
Lily: Xander pissed in his office.
Xander: I didn't know he would quit!
Lucy: And you think that I'll just drop everything and come to the rescue?
Xander: We're doing this climate change cabaret series - and we've got a huge programme of multi-media performance events to follow up. We've got education money, youth money, environement money - the whole lot tied to this.
Lucy: And what's she going to be doing?
Xander: Lily's doing her 'Burlesque-ercises.
Lily: 'Bump'n'grind your way to a fitter you!'
Xander: Yes, 'Bump'n'grind your way to a fitter you' - but don't get them to take any clothes off.
Lily: Fat?
Xander: Some of them.
Lily: No one wants to see fat people undressing. Too much like our wedding night.
Lucy: I have to get back to work...
Xander: No! I could pay you more than you're earning now.
Lucy: I doubt it.
Xander: We've got two point five million in grants and sponsorships so far...
Lucy: Two point five million?
Xander: Yes.. you can even check the accounts if you don't believe me.
Lucy: Xander, that is a lot of money.
Xander: Yes, my dear.
Lily: We've been the brains trust behind Australia Council for years.
Lucy: I can't believe they've met you.
(The doorbell rings)
Xander: Hello?
(Melanie and Jac enter with groceries. Melanie has a smear of white powder across her nose.)
Jac: Bonjour.
Xander: Lucy - Jac and Melanie, Jac and Mel - Lucy.
Melanie: Hi.
Xander: Melanie, sweetheart, you didn't let her... Jac... drive you?
Melanie: It's all good... I totes made him have some coke before we got in the car. I got so much stuff - it was lucky he... Jac... tracked me down.
Jac: A chance meeting...
Melanie: I remembered pretzels... we defs need pretzels...
Lily: Couldn't he bend you into one, dear?
Xander: Don't listen to her, gorgeous girl... you have a little something there...
(Xander wipes the white powder off her nose and rubs it onto his teeth.)
Melanie: Lol! I was like, crazy hungry so I went to get food... I was out by nine-thirty, which is, like, totes earlier than I ever get up.
Lucy: Hmm... an employee of yours, I take it, Xander. Been drinking again?
Xander: I am an adult.
Lucy: That's debatable.
Xander: Well this is just typical of my family, isn't it? Criticise anything that I do. 'Grow up, Xander'. 'Pull your weight, Xander'...
Lily: Better you than me.
Xander: And even when I do manage to make to lots of money, by making good art by the way, not the lifeless mass produced shit churned out to please the tourists and brain-damaged, drooling at the mouth masses, like my father does, you all find something to whinge and bitch and moan about.
Lily: Tell her to piss off, Xander.
Xander: Meanwhile, I offer you a rare opportunity for some exciting work and you just shit on me from a great hight because your happy marketing some..dull piece of shit... I don't know what.... for this fiancee who's probably boring enough to make drying paint look like Disneyland...
Lily: Sex is probably like Temazepam.
Lucy: That's it - I'm off. Xander, here's my card - if you're serious about some advice, you can make anan appointment to see me at my office, but you couldn't pay me enough to put up with the pair of you!
(Lucy hands puts her card on the table and leaves.)
Melanie: Wow - she's, like, totes cray cray.
Xander: Well thank you so bloody much, Lily!
Lily: Me?
Melanie: Xander, show me that card?
Xander: Why?
Melanie: There was a guy hitting on me at the clubs last night - he owns a marketing firm!
(Xander hands her the card and she pulls another out of her cleavage.)
Xander: It can't be.
Jac: It is - its the same business!
Xander: He cheated, that little prick, he cheated on my niece.
Lily: I knew it.
Xander: Shut up! Scott Jewell from Jewell promotions...
Jac: Don't get involved, Xander.
Xander: Of course I'm going to get invovled - I'm going to expose the bastard!
Lily: I suppose Lucy'll be looking for work, then. If her fiancee slash boss cheats on her...
Xander: I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for my niece...
Lily: Who might end up being your project manager after all.
Xander: That would be a... fringe benefit.
Melanie: Want me to call him?
Xander: No, we'll have Lily do it!
Lily: What's in it for me? You think I'll just shamelessly splay myself before random, successful younger men?
Jac: Yes.
Lily: True.
Melanie: Don't send Lily, he'll never go for her she's...
Xander: I know what you're saying dear - she's got all the charm and personality of a sociopathic turnip, you're right. Lily - stand down.
Lily: You little... You'll see!
(Lily storms out.)
Xander: Alright, Mel, I want you to meet up with your friend from the club last night. But don't let anything happen...
Jac: I'll follow and make sure... take pictures.
Xander: You're going to call Mr. Jewell and we'll lead him into our trap by his...
Melanie: Pierre Cardin tie?
(The scene ends.)
Scene Two
(The same apartment - in the early hours of the following morning. Xander enters with Lucy in tow.)
Xander: Shh... Shh... Come in quickly.
Lucy: What's going on?
Xander: Shh.
Lucy: The text said it was an emergency - I thought you'd overdosed!
Xander: Why would you automatically assume that - Iam not under the influence of any drugs.
Lucy: That remains to be seen.
Xander: Look, I'll make you a drink, I think you're going to need a drink...
Lucy: Xander, I don't want a drink! It's one-thirty in the morning - what am I doing here?
Xander: Mel's brought someone home...
Lucy: Well... I'm sorry Xander, but she is much younger than you...
Xander: It's who she brought home, Lucy, who!
Lucy: Who?
Xander: You won't believe me, come look.
(Xander goes to the entrance to Lily's room.)
Lucy: I'm not walking in on...
(Xander goes to Lucy and grabs her by the arm. He drags her after him into the room.)
Xander (Off): What? You little prick, you'd cheat on my niece with that?
Lily (Off): You married me!
Lucy (Off): Bastard, you're a lying bastard!
(Lily comes out of the room in her nigh-dress followed by Xander.)
Lily: I told you all I could do it! Haha...
Xander: Oh shut up! (Into the room.) I'll give you a moment Lucy, my dear.
(Back to Lily) If you're there, where are Mel and Jac.
(Breathing and gasping comes from the next room.)
Xander: What the... (He opens the door to the next room and looks in.) Jac - get off her.
(Jac and Melanie come out. Melanie is in her night dress and Jac is zipping up his pants. He has womens' underwear hanging off one foot.)
Jac: These are yours...
(He picks up the underwear and gives it to Melanie.)
Xander: Jac...
Jac: Bon nuit!
(Jac exits.)
Xander: Well... did you see?
Lily: What is... Jac?
Melanie: Oh... Mother of Drunk... I don't remember... I need to pee...
(Melanie wanders off. Lucy comes out of the first room, crying)
Xander: I'm very sorry sweetheart?
Lucy: That was humiliating.
Xander: Well you wouldn't have believed me, you would have thought I was manipulating you.
Lily: I knew it - didn't I say that he'd be cheating?
(Lily goes back into the first room.)
Xander: Shut up, Lily! Go and... untie him.
Xander: I was trying to do you a favour, you know.
(Lily enters.)
Lily: You with the waterworks. This idiot in here wants to talk to you.
Lucy: I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him.
Xander: Get him out of here - and not this way.
Lily: The only other way is the window.
Xander: Then throw the bastard out of it.
Lily: You know, Lucy, I tried to tell you about him...
Xander: Piss off, Lily!
Lucy: And tell him I quit.
(Lily shoots Xander a look, and goes back into her room.)
Xander: That's wise, Lucy darling... and I feel awful about saying it... but you know you have a job to come to.
Lucy: I don't know about that, Xander.
Xander: Come on, dear, I can pay you lots of money. I always thought you liked me.
Lucy: I do, Xander.
Xander: Remember those boring family things, when you were little? You thought I was the fun uncle. Lucy, dear, I was the 'funcle'.
Lucy: (Laughs slightly) You're very immature.
Xander: Yes.
Lucy: I don't want to fight with you and Lily all of the time.
Xander: We'll be good - I promise. I'll keep her under control and... feed her and everything.
(Lily wanders in behind them with an empty glass.)
Lucy: Well... when do you want me to start?
Xander: Straight away, dear.
Lily: Oh good.... (holding her glass out to Lucy). Do you know how to make a Gin and Tonic?
(Fade.)
The other night, some friends and I sat down with some wine, did a reading of this and then watched "Withnail and I" on DVD. It is a favourite of mine.