WOMAN 1 - Mr. Miliband are you here? If you are please don't jump out and do your trademark fanfare I'm carrying a hot cup of coffee whilst standing perilously near a priceless vase. No? Okay. Some peace at last
ED's trademark fanfare. F/X vase breaking and WOMAN 1 spills her coffee on herself
WOMAN 1 - Ed, man what do you think you doing? Give me that
F/X paper rustling as WOMAN 1 cleans herself up
WOMAN 1 -What is this? The job paper?
ED - I've decided to step down
WOMAN 1 - Has the thought of never becoming Prime Minister whilst also dragging the party down to your level finally got to you?
ED - No
WOMAN 1 - Oh. Why aren't you at the conference?
ED - The unions are bullying me, I'm only little! They've still not forgiven me for agreeing with the public sector pay freeze.
WOMAN 1 - You can't avoid them for ever
ED - I'm an excellent hider - watch me disappear before your very eyes
WOMAN 1 - I can still see you even if you close your eyes. Ed you should face you're fears.
ED - They said I turned my back on the workers and that I'm the political elite. Would you say I was the political elite?
WOMAN 1 - No, no I wouldn't
ED - I think David sees this as his chance to step in and become Prime Minister. He's walking around the house wearing a miners hat shouting power to the people
WOMAN 1 - Ed, listen to me I guarantee they will never be a Prime Minister Miliband
END