JUSTIN
When the news broke that Catherine Tate was seeing Adrian Chiles, I was more shocked than Justin Lee Collins when his girlfriend first turned over in her sleep. Chiles is a football fanatic, I'd love to hear a running commentary of one of his dates rather than this collection of clichés from the latest big match.
ALAN
This looks a total mismatch on paper
MARK
It's not pretty to look at, but it's effective
ALAN
Here he goes now, he's working his socks off
MARK
That's a disappointing tackle
ALAN
Too good to go down? Not a chance
MARK
He's taken a dive. Listen to the screaming, that's clearly simulation!
ALAN
Now it's opening up for him
MARK
The defence is non-existent
ALAN
And it only takes a second to score!
MARK
He's done everything right apart from the finish
ALAN
They think it's all over. It is now
