Here is one of my rejects from this week's Newsjack. Any thoughts would be appreciated:
Innocence Of Dawkins
JUSTIN:
It's widely acknowledged these days that atheism is the same as religion, in the same way that a dog is the same as not-a-dog.
But a new film called 'Innocence Of Dawkins' has sparked protests across the atheist world, by depicting their spiritual leader - renowned sceptic Richard Dawkins - as a credulous simpleton.
DAWKINS:
Ooh, 2-for-1 scratchcards, that's good value. This new facebook timeline is great.
JUSTIN:
Newsjack has this clip from the film's trailer:
GRAMS:FILM SCORE.
TRAILER:
(V/O) In a world gone rational, one man faces the unexplained.
DAWKINS:
I just don't see how that magician knew there was a coin in my ear. My horoscope said this would happen.
TRAILER:
(V/O) Richard Dawkins, the man who shaves with Occam's Razor, is about to have his world turned upside down.
DAWKINS:
The results of this Scientology Personality Test are astonishing.
SCIENTOLOGIST:
Sometimes you're hungry, Richard, and sometimes you like sitting down.
DAWKINS:
Uncanny! That's me in a nutshell.
TRAILER:
(V/O) But battling the forces of reason, will take everything he's got.
DAWKINS:
My shakras are misaligned, I need Ginkgo!
TRAILER:
(V/O) Innocence Of Dawkins: He can't handle the truth.
JUSTIN:
Following references to Scientology in that clip, the BBC would like to remind listeners that other obviously-made-up religions are available. Now, I'd like to -
FX:ANGRY MOB CRASHES THROUGH DOOR.
MOB:
Boo! Shame!
JUSTIN:
An Atheist Militia!
BYSTANDER:
(OFF) Watch out, she's got critical faculties!
ATHEIST:
How dare you broadcast those hateful lies about Professor Dawkins?
JUSTIN:
How did you lot get past BBC security?
ATHEIST:
We're cardigan-wearing Trotskyites, they assumed we worked here. Now, you slanderous dog, prepare to feel the rage of the Militant Atheist!
JUSTIN:
Okay.
ATHEIST:
(PAUSE) You- you're feeling it now. This is it.
JUSTIN:
Look, just clear off. You're ruining the show.
ATHEIST:
Are we? (BEAT) Oh God, sorry. Come on, let's go.
FX:MOB LEAVES IN AN ORDERLY FASHION.
JUSTIN:
Go on, get out.
ATHEIST:
(OFF) Sorry about the mess.
JUSTIN:
Out!
Thank heavens they're gone. Now, I'd like to reassure listeners that there definitely is a supreme power who watches over us and knows all our secrets, and it's Rupert Murdoch.