TORY NURSE:
Look, Mr Farage - you DID ask for a referendum promise to be written in blood!
NIGEL:
Yes... but I wasn't banking on ME being the donor!
TORY NURSE:
Beggars can't be choosers, I'm afraid.
NIGEL:
Hey, if anyone should be begging - it's you Tories! Do you realise how many seats UKIP could WIN at the next election?
TORY NURSE:
None?
NIGEL:
Okay - maybe that's true! But we're still capable of throwing a few spanners in your marginals!
TORY NURSE:
Mr Farage - would you kindly roll up your sleeve?
NIGEL:
Ah. I'm afraid there's... a winsy bit of a problem.
TORY NURSE:
Oh?
NIGEL:
You see I'm a teeny bit terrified of needles!
TORY NURSE:
Well, that's YOUR problem - not ours.
NIGEL:
I know, but... does it definitely have to be MY blood? I mean, my wife's outside - and she's on the blob!
TORY NURSE:
Mr Farage - you can either roll up your sleeve or toddle off back to Brussels. It's your choice!
NIGEL:
Look - why can't we shake on it instead?
TORY NURSE:
Mr Farage - I hardly think you're in a position to demand the shaking of hands!
NIGEL:
Okay, then... a nod and wink! I'd happily settle for a nod and a wink!
TORY NURSE:
You're testing my patience, Mr Farage!
NIGEL:
Okay - what if I were to shut down all UKIP branches in Tory marginals; TODAY - in return for you promising to have a THINK about staging a referendum?
TORY NURSE:
Mr Farage, by the powers vested in me by the Prime Minister... you've got yourself a deal!
NIGEL:
Great! I can't wait to tell my members...
TORY NURSE:
That UKIP's going to be around for a long, long time!