Third Party

We see a man entering a solicitors office with a neck brace on.

We then see him sitting in an office talking to his solicitor

SOLICITOR
"So you're claiming you got whiplash playing 'Need For Speed' on your Playstation?"

MAN
"Yeah I got hit from behind so its not my fault and I wanna sue them! No win no fee right"

SOLICITOR
"Well it's novel and it could work, the publicity the game makers alone would get for suggesting the game is far, far to realistic, could get them to settle quite happily"

MAN
"What about my wife kids? they were all sitting on the couch when it happened and they've got whiplash as well"

SOLICITOR
"Excellent, we'll issue a writ today!"

I have to be honest I thought this was alright?

I read this - and while I think the idea is good, I think it gets a little convoluted when the solicitor brings in the concept of the manufacturers wanting the publicity.
I don't really buy that - it feels a bit 'sticky'.
I think you'd do better to play with that first concept of making the spurious claim - take that further to a more suprising conclusion.
Perhaps it should be longer before we & the solicitor realise he's talking about a video game...?
Couldn't quite work out how to fix it - which is why I said nowt originally!

Same here
The Video game premise was a good un but I didn't think it was taken in the right direction.

On reflection I can see what you mean and I'll amend this for the better. This is what I need at times it stops me getting cocky.

Very funny idea. My suggestion would be to actually write the court case, the fact it's a game could come out in the cross-examination, or what have you.

Lots of oportunities for other characters and jokes then, if any sprang to mind.