A thirty nine stone woman is sitting across two chairs talking to her doctor.
WOMAN
"But I love jokes and everything, how can I be morbidly obese?"
DOCTOR
"Alright I'll file you under 'Fat Cow Bastard!"
WOMAN
"Thanks for being so understanding"
Fat Chance
To me, "bastard" has masculine connotations. I think "fat cow" might work better in the context of the porker being a person of the female persuasion.
Fair point