KI passport control

narrator - it emerged today that several londoners were turned away from Kirrin Island by the border force on the grounds of being mentally unfit and a possible threat to others.i have with me now the man who turned them away, can you tell me what happened?

spokesman - yes, everything seemed fine, passports ok, visas in order, then we casually asked them who they were voting for in the mayoral elections and they said Boris Johnson. we simply cannot allow that kind of person to cross our borders.

narrator - right. I also have with me a spokesperson from Kirrin Island home office, Mrs Prickbottom. Mrs Prickbottom, how can you justify what occured here today?

Mrs Prickbottom - we take the security of Kirrin Island citizens extremely seriously and this blatant attempt by these, these lunatics to enter cannot be tolerated.

narrator - can you enlighten our listeners as to how a persons mental stability is assessed?

Mrs Prickbottom - we take three apparently ordinary people and ask them who they would like to babysit.
we asked a northerner who said amy, 17, very sensible, will ring us at the slightest sign of a problem.
then we asked a Kirrin Islander who said Jen, 57, £10 an hour dearer than Amy but has 35 years experience.
then we asked the Boris Johnson voters. do you know what they said? (BEAT) Gary Glitter. next boat home!

I've read this three times now and I'm still confused. That last bit is actually quite a good satire, but the whole Boris thing has me completely lost.

Dan

firstly its meant to place boris in the role of babysitter of london. the kind of person that is left in charge when there are no sensible adults around.
secondly, most of the country see boris as a raving nut job who is only walking the streets for the entertainment of others, and as such, anyone who votes for him is exactly the type of person who would think it's ok to ask gary glitter to babysit.

As a matter of radio journalese, good reporters do not leave a sentence hanging with a soundbite to follow. For example:
"a spokesman for passport control said:"
and
"Mrs Prickbottom, said:"
and
"she answered:".

This is because audio equipment can fail or the wrong feed can be enqueued, and the presenter sounds a prat by leaving a statement hanging open. The presenter's statements should instead be scripted as intact sentences, should soundbites fail. Sounds much more professional.

That is quite the most technical feedback I've ever read in 'Critique'. Well done!

Dan

police were called to the british comedy guide website today after a technical faux pas ended in a cheeky young whipersnapper receiving a thorough online spanking from another member. :0)

EDIT AHOY.

btw, thanks for the help kenneth, I am new to this. is the edit technically any better? not concerned about the whole gist of the sketch as I have had to explain the joke, which, I feel personally, negates it being a joke.

Quote: andy hardaker @ September 26 2012, 2:53 PM BST

btw, thanks for the help kenneth, I am new to this. is the edit technically any better?

View original

Not really, as you've just changed hanging statements preceding soundbites into questions (and unrealistically put everyone in the studio for only a few words). To avoid having everyone in the studio, just make the newsreader's words into statements. [Obviously I don't understand how the Boris Johnson, Gary Glitter babysitter stuff relates to an island from the Famous Five].

Narrator: It emerged today that several Daleks were turned away from Kirrin Island on the grounds of being mentally unfit and potentially dangerous. Immigration officer Darryl Waters said the group was a clear health and security risk.

Darryl Waters: Everything seemed fine, passports OK, visas in order; then we noticed their swivel heads, their eye stalks and their ray guns. We cannot allow that kind of thing to enter Kirrin Island.

Narrator: A spokeswoman from the Kirrin Island Home Office, Mrs Margaret Daykin, dismissed claims of racism.

Mrs Daykin: It's got nothing to do with race. We take the security of Kirrin Island citizens extremely seriously and this blatant attempt by these, these Daleks, to enter cannot be tolerated.

Narrator: Mrs Daykin said Daleks are not the only ones being denied entry to Kirrin Island.

Mrs Daykin: If they've got mean little eyes and thin cruel lips, then obviously they're no good. And if they're Daleks or Cybermen or Myrka, or any other kind of hostile alien, we don't want them here. And if they've got dark skin, we shoot on sight.