So I'm assuming that Kirrin Island has a school, and hoping it's common enough knowledge that last week two surveys revealed that:
- over 200 schools have CCTV in toilets and changing rooms
and that
- schoolchildren's reading has plummeted with fear of bullying for being a geek given as one of the main reasons for the decline...
---------------------------------
Inspector
So the inspection's all gone well, I'm glad to say that Kirrin Island High is an exceptional school - the pupils are particularly well behaved, Head. Wish I knew how you'd achieved this.
Head
It's all been so easy since we installed CCTV. The pupils know that if they're up to no good we'll catch them - wherever they are.
Inspector
Surely there's some blind spots - the toilets? The changing rooms?
Head
No, no. We've got them covered too. Though there's hopefully little actual need for them - it's more to deter trouble.
Inspector
What sort of trouble? When I was at school it was just the odd bit of smoking, graffiti and disagreements over latin grammar getting out of hand...
Head
It used to be the same here, but the cameras soon got rid of the bad behaviour. See them now - so well behaved.
FX: Camera whirrs, maybe keyboard taps, as the CCTV is accessed
Inspector
Well let's have a look at a live feed then.
Head
All well in the dining hall. Class 1. Class 2. Ah - there we go. You see that boy acting suspiciously in the changing rooms?
Inspector
Acting suspiciously? As far as I can tell, he just seems to be reading.
Head
And nobody's forcing him - that's pretty suspicious these days.
Inspector
Can he hear us?
Head
Just speak into the microphone.
Inspector
Err. Hello there, you, the boy reading.
Schoolboy
(quite well spoken) Bloody hell! You made me jump. Errr I mean... (going 'rougher' more 'street') What ya doin' man? You a perv or what? Lookin' at me in tha changin' rooms like.
Inspector
I'm sorry. I'm the school inspector and I was just interested in the CCTV system. Do you find it helps keep undesirable elements out and lets you have a quiet read in peace?
Schoolboy
What you bin smokin' man? I haven't err I ain't bin readin' nuttin.
Inspector
You were. That's you're book on the floor, it's (FX camera zoom whirring) hard to make out but I think it's 'A Tale of Two Cities'.
Schoolboy
You is well whack. I ain't never even 'eard of Charles Dickens like - sounds like sum gaylord innit.
Inspector
I never mentioned Dickens...
Schoolboy
(quite well spoken again) Look I really must protest at this intrusion into my privacy. Can't I have a quiet read in the changing rooms without being spied upon?
Inspector
You should be proud to be reading one of the classics of English literature. You should be an example to everyone.
Schoolboy
Oh God - NO! Please don't tell anyone - say you caught me smoking... doing drugs... even molesting a squirrel. Anything but reading - I'll be beaten up for being a geek.
Head
And if you are... it'll all be caught on CCTV!
Inspector
Brilliant!
Schoolboy
(muttering to self) It was the best of schools, the worst of schools.
