Feel free to use this NJ reject. Or not, I won't be upset. Newsjack were very free with their unuse of it - very free indeed.
INTRO:
James Bond fans have reacted with outrage to news that the new film features Bond drinking a lager instead of the traditional vodka martini shaken-not-stirred. They're fine with the serial womanizing, alcoholism and the state-sponsored murder, but God forbid the poor bloke should ever just have a beer and watch the footie. Here, exclusively for the listeners of Kirrin Island are edited highlights of the new Bond movie...
Grams-James Bond Theme (opening bars)
BARMAN:
What can I get you Mr...?
BOND:
Bond. James Bond. Pint of lager - fizzy not flat.
BARMAN:
Oui, monsieur.
F/XDrink being placed on bar.
BARMAN:
Voila monsieur. (BEAT) Look out! He's got a gun!
F/XGunshot. Glass smashes.
BARMAN:
Mon Dieu! He was trying to kill you!
BOND:
Not only that - he spilled my pint! This time it's personal.
Grams-James Bond Theme
Q:
Now Bond, this Elegante cigarette lighter has a tiny switch at the base turning it into a satellite transmitter and...are you pissed?
BOND:
(SLURRING) I'm alright, I'm alright. Just had a couple of pints...well, ten. (GIGGLING)
Q:
Listen very carefully. Hitting the 4-digit code turns the lighter into a 2 megaton rocket, accurate to a range of 8000 metres.
BOND:
(BURRPP) Fantastic, I'm gasping for a fag.
Q:
Bond, no!
F/XLighter clicked. Explosion
BOND:
(SLURRING) Sorry. Was that submarine expensive?
Grams-James Bond Theme
VESPA:
Oh James, Smersh have destroyed the Ferrari, slaughtered your Istanbul contact and sent their deadliest assassin to kill us. What can we do?
BOND:
Don't ...(HICCUP)...worry love. We'll be fine.
VESPA:
You really think so?
BOND:
Yep - there's a kebab shop over there.
Grams-James Bond Theme
LE CLICHE:
So, we meet at last Mr Bond.
BOND:
I've...(HICCUP)...been waiting for this meeting for a long time Le Cliche.
LE CLICHE:
Indeed? And why is that?
BOND:
Because...You're my best bloody mate! I love you man. You're brilliant you are. How come we don't do this more often?
LE CLICHE:
I don't understand. What are you doing?
BOND:
You got any cans in? Come on, lets...(HICCUP)...get a curry. I could murder a vindaloo.
LE CLICHE:
Stop, I don't like this. I surrender. I'll give you all the plans, but for the love of God - stop acting like you're my mate!
Grams-James Bond Theme.
