KI Self Raising

Knowing your spatula from your fibula has always been a matter of immense pride here on Kirrin Island. So it's no wonder best TV show since freshly baked scones, The Great British Cake Mouth, has got the Islanders whisking and kneading like floury zealots, but are some of them a few currants short of a fruitcake?

DAVID CAMERA-ON:
Right Nick, ...the economic crisis, any ideas? we need to come up with something soon or we're brown bread.

DICK LEGG:
No, no, brown bread was last week David, do keep up, it's Queen of Puddings this week...now, separate three eggs....

F/XEggs cracking / Sloshing / plopping

LEGG:
Uh, this is a bit messy...

CAMERA-ON:
You could try sucking them.

LEGG:
I could, but my grandmother never taught me. Now, what's next, ah, 250grams of golden caster...

CAMERA-ON:
This baking obsession has gone way too far Dick; the people of Britain are relying on us.....

LEGG:
And Sherry Berry is relying on me to get my meringue to a stiff peak...do these eggs smell off to you?

CAMERA-ON:
But hundreds upon thousands of people in this county are counting....

LEGG:
Hey pesto! hundreds and thousands on top, that'll get me extra points on the technical challenge, oh and I might add a few of those little rock hard silver balls...might cost me though if any of the judges loses a tooth....maybe some chocolate sprinkles instead...

CAMERA-ON:
I suppose next thing we know, you'll be inviting your new friends Smell and Poo to sort out the Euro zone crisis.

LEGG:
Don't be so ridiculous....it's strudel next week, and there's no way the ladies would miss that. Those yummy bits of stray flaky pastry, all golden and crumbling....

CAMERA-ON:
So what are you saying Dick? You just expect me to shove all this economy stuff on the back burner 'til after the Great British Cake Mouth finale?

LEGG:
Certainly not...the heat would absorb all the moisture and we'd be left an inedible pile of economic goo...no, just cover it with clingfilm and stick it in the chiller for a couple of weeks.

F/XSOUND OF OVEN OPENING AND CLOSING

LEGG:Now, do you think this meringue could do with a blow torch?

Good start to the sketch and the premise is quite good, plus it's topical. But it did feel a bit two people bantering and it needs a stronger ending and some action happening. Surely it's ripe for some 'dropping the cake'/'putting all eggs in one basket' analogies?

Dan

Have made a few changes but it's ended up longer!

Knowing your spatula from your fibula has always been a matter of pride here on Kirrin Island, so it's no wonder best TV show since rhubarb crumble, the Great British Cake Mouth, has got the Islanders whisking and kneading like floury zealots. but are some of them just a few currants short of a fruitcake?

DAVID CAMERA ON:
Right Nick, ...economic policy, any ideas? we need to come up with something solid, nothing half baked this time.

DICK LEGG:
No, par baked baguettes were last week David, do keep up, it's Queen of Puddings this week...now, separate three eggs....

F/XEggs cracking / Sloshing / plopping

LEGG:
Uh, this eggy bit is messy.

CAMERA ON:
There's nothing I couldn't teach the opposition about sucking eggs. So...judging by the little fact of you being elbow deep in egg whites, I'm guessing you've forgotten the party conference today?

LEGG:
Of course not, I've got my speech all ready, here, I'll read you the best bits.

F/XPAPER RUSTLING

LEGG:
'Friends, fellow politicians and any keen bakers out there. We are all aware that times are tough, the biscuit tin is empty, and there's only enough marg left for a few small drop scones. But we as a party are as committed to the future of this country as we were when we first put our aprons on and floured our boardrooms. I say to you people of....

F/XPAPER BEING RIPPED

CAMERA ON:
(Interrupting angrily) This baking obsession has gone way too far, the people of Britain are relying on us.....

LEGG:
And Sherry Berry is relying on me to get my meringue to a stiff peak...do these eggs smell off to you?

CAMERA ON:
There are hundreds upon thousands of people in this county counting....

LEGG:
Hey pesto! hundreds and thousands on top, that'll get me extra points on the technical challenge, oh and I might add a few of those little rock hard silver balls...might cost me though if any of the judges loses a tooth....maybe some chocolate sprinkles instead...

CAMERA ON:
I suppose next thing we know, you'll be inviting your new friends Mel and Sue to sort out the Euro zone crisis.

LEGG:
Don't be so ridiculous....it's strudel next week and there's no way they'd miss that.

CAMERA ON:
So what are you saying Dick? You just expect me to shove all this running the country stuff on the back burner 'til after the Great British Cake Mouth finale?

LEGG:
Certainly not...the heat would absorb all the moisture and we'd be left with an inedible pile of goo.. just cover it with clingfilm and stick it in the cabinet, just be careful not to wake anyone.

CAMERA ON:
(exasperated)Look, we need something big for the party conference to show we mean business, a superpolicy, something involving schools, taxes, the elderly, hospitals, benefits, farmers and hugging hoodies.

LEGG:
(excited) I've got it. I've got, I've got it.

F/XEGG TIMER GOING OFF

LEGG:
Wait, got to check the oven.

CAMERA ON:
I can't wait! The car is here for the conference.

F/XMR WHIPPY CHIMES

CAMERA ON:
Tell me what the new superpolicy is for crying out loud!

F/XSMOKE ALARM GOING OFF CONTINUOUSLY

CAMERA ON:
(panicking) The new superpolicy....what is it, quick..

F/XMR WHIPPY CHIMES - SMOKE ALARM - OVEN OPENING

LEGG:
(wailing) I can't talk at a time like this, my meringue is brown bread.

Hi, I've read both versions and I didn't really understand the story of either. I like the GBBO and enjoyed the references but didn't understand the message of the sketch.

I liked 'Great British Cake Mouth' and 'only enough marg left for a few drop scones' but I'm afraid I'm lost on the rest of it. Sorry.

Thanks. It's a silly take that Clegg is obsessed with baking leaving Cameron to fret about the country/party conference, no message as such there I guess, but maybe a little snapshot of how they would act.

Quote: Shandonbelle @ September 26 2012, 10:58 PM BST

Thanks. It's a silly take that Clegg is obsessed with baking leaving Cameron to fret about the country/party conference, no message as such there I guess, but maybe a little snapshot of how they would act.

View original

I think in that case maybe the 'looking for a new super policy' needs to come up earlier.

Disclaimer - I haven't managed to listen to KI yet, and my political awareness is "limited" so it could just be that either the expected style or the politics is going over my head.

Yeah, I think Die Hard is right here.

Though the rewrite is better, from your comment (Shandonbelle) about what you're trying to do, it would improve further if Camera-on was deep in thought/trying desperately to write his policy and the baking of Nick Clegg is getting in the way; splashing eggs, sloshing milk, covering the policy in flour. I think that's what you were aiming for. Kind of like Clegg is the 'housewife-who's-trying-to-be-helpful-but-doesn't-really-understand-the-job' type of role.

It could also do with using Supreme Leader Smith rather than Camera-on.

Dan