F/X TELEPHONE RINGING
PRINE PHILIP
Hello, some hairdressing salon on some island place. Philip speaking, how may one help?
JOANNA GLUMLEY
Yar, can you fit me in for a touch up on Tuesday?
PRINE PHILIP
What the blazes...
JOANNA GLUMLEY
It's just my hair is starting to look like Britney Spears heading for another breakdown, and you never see Helen Mirren looking anything less than platinum.
PRINE PHILIP
Hold on, ruddy touch screen appointment system, solid gold pens and Royal Bond paper not good enough for people these days? No, nothing Tuesday, or Wednesday, or....hold on...
F/XCRASHING SOUND
PRINE PHILIP
The systems just crashed...
JOANNA GLUMLEY
Obviously the new YTS boy... listen dahling, do you know who I am?
PRINE PHILIP
Haven't the foggiest...now if you don't mind I'm in the middle of giving my celebrity wife a blue rinse and I'm up to my galoshes in setting lotion...you see we got lost being chased by those cretins...
JOANNA GLUMLEY
Celebrity wife? ...I'm rather a celebrity myself. We should do lunch dahling.
PRINE PHILIP
I'm famished, if the ruddy salon owner hadn't scarpered out the door...something about Nick Clegg doing a sorry song and going all viral, off she flew leaving my celebrity wife and I holding the heated rollers...we only came in to dodge the paps.
JOANNA GLUMLEY
Oh paparazzi, I know, they surround me everywhere I go, every charity do, every TV award show...there they are...taking pictures of Kate Winslet. Ghastly.
PRINE PHILIP
They've been flashing bulbs all over the shop, my celebrity wife and I took a wrong turn after they tried to snap us without any coats on...ended up lost again, still I'm getting the hang of this hairdressing lark now.
JOANNA GLUMLEY
Goodo. So dahling, can you be a love and get me a two o' clock on Tuesday... coochie coo...got a posh do in aid of the Kirrin Island Gherkins.
PRINE PHILIP
Only if I can give you a Purdey...someone's left a Muller Rice carton behind, should be a cinch.
JOANNA GLUMLEY
Purdeyfect dahling.