KI: Short Straw

INT. OFFICE - DAY

We hear David Cameron - Boris Johnson - Nick Clegg talking in the conference room at 10 downing street.

BORIS JOHNSON
"i'm not doing it!"

DAVID CAMERON
"i'm not doing it!"

NICK CLEGG
"there is no way I'm doing it!"

SECRATARY
"oi! lavender boys! I have got three straws here.
lets keep this clean and tidy.
who's first?"

DAVID CAMERON
"it's a special day today.
things are about to change!"

NICK CLEGG
"yeah! it's going to be special
watching you squirm in front of
the TV hacks!"

BORIS JOHNSON quaffs.

BORIS JOHNSON
"I will go first."

BORIS JOHNSON
"voila! yes! its a long one. that's what
the cleaner tells me anyway."

SECRETARY
" whatever! ok nick your turn."

NICK CLEGG
"izzy wizzy lets get busy..."

BORIS JOHNSON
"Who do you think you are Paul Danial's? I bet it's the small one."

NICK CLEGG
"i don't bloody believe this!"

F/X A high five slap.

BORIS JOHNSON and DAVID CAMERON are laughing.

DAVID CAMERON
"yes! another victory for Dave the swave! and that's
that.. as they say."

NICK CLEGG
"well Dave! at least I aint the
one who thought that f**kin rusks
were made from real breast milk!
can you imagine that? loads of saggy
tited old women being milked in a big
shed!?"

DAVID CAMERON and BORIS JOHNSON are beside themselves with laughter at his rant. NICK CLEGG walks out of the office.

F/X FOOT STEPS"

F/X DOOR OPENING"

F/X DOOR SLAMS.."

BORIS JOHNSON
"bye nick! go and have a joint!"

DAVID CAMERON
"maybe we should support him I'll get the telly."

F/X dragging little table. BORIS JOHNSON is whooping and geering.

BORIS JOHNSON
"oh... (F/X SQEEKY FART).. I think need the toilet Dave! it seems like I have a
ring of fire!.

DAVID CAMERON
"i think he's glued you to the chair boris!"

BORIS JOHNSON
"pull it off dave! why is my anus burning Dave?!"

F/X sqeeky high pitched squelchy farts emitting from BORIS JOHNSONS arse.The chaotic sound of DAVID CAMERON and the SECRETARY struggling to pull the chair off.

INT. TV STUDIO - DAY

The floor manager is counting down.

FLOOR MANAGER

"SIX - FIVE..

The floor manager whispers to nick clegg.

FLOOR MANAGER
"mr clegg! put your bottle
of laxatives and the tube of glue away. - three
two - one...

NICK CLEGG
"hello. as you all know we have faffed up the tuition fees and.....

FADE TO

THE END

Hi Nigel,

you need to consider that KI is a radio show, so I'm afraid this sketch won't work.

Have a go at rewriting, bearing in mind that lines like 'We see NICK CLEGG slipping a small bottle back in to his jacket pocket. the last part of the word being "ATIVES". he smiles and begins his speech.' will have to communicated to the audience with no visual help.

I have now edited it.. is it any better.

Sorry, I don't really get this.

Also, it seems to be framed more as a 'mini-sitcom' than a sketch to me.

Dan

hello its what I like to think goes on behind the big black door of 10 downing street to decide who is going to take the rap for what, especially with them being a coalition government.

and the fact they act like kids 99.9% of the time in real life