We see a young couple in the park, the woman is pushing a pram and the man is throwing a stick with the dog.
Suddenly the dog becomes unruly and starts barking aggressively the man is unsure almost scared of it.
An old and very friendly looking gentleman dressed in a chunky brown wool cardigan and a yellow and brown checked shirt and with a real twinkle in his eye comes over and pats the dog on its head and the dog instantly stops barking.
YOUNG MAN
"Thank you that was amazing"
OLD MAN
"Dogs are easy all they need is a firm but compassionate approach"
As the young and old man are in conversation the baby in the pram starts crying and is inconsolable. The old man walks over and speaks to the young woman.
OLD MAN
"May I?"
The young woman nods and the old man simply shakes the pram handle and the baby calms right down.
YOUNG WOMAN
"That's amazing you seem to have a way with everything"
OLD MAN
"Time and patience, time and patience"
The old man starts to walk away as he does so the couple look at each other and speak.
YOUNG MAN
"What a nice man"
YOUNG WOMAN
"He smelled like Worthers Originals, he's lovely I know mum would love him. Ask him if he wants a coffee?"
The young man runs up to the old man who is now helping a young boy with his kite much to the delight of the boys mother.
YOUNG MAN
"Excuse me don't take this the wrong way but my wife and I only live by the park gates and we were wondering if you would like to pop in and have a coffee. It's a way of thanking you but if I'm honest we think we'd like to get to know you. We're new around here, were originally from London and your friendliness has knocked us for six, it's why we left London, deep down we're people people"
The old man nods and he and the couple leave the park and enter a lovely house facing the park gates.
As they enter the house an elderly lady is in the living room the young man starts the introductions.
YOUNG MAN
" Ethel this is... I'm sorry I don't even know your name"
OLD MAN
"It's Bert, Bert Cuddly and before you start with the jokes I've had the name seventy two years and I've heard them all"
YOUNG WOMAN
"I think it's a wonderful name Bert Cuddly, and you are you really are. Well for a start my names Kate , Kate Jackson this my husband Colin he's a computer expert works from home and this is my mum Ethel she lives the other side of the park, it's the main reason we moved here"
Burt Cuddly shakes everyone's hands
The old woman then takes the pram and the dog and starts to leave as she does so
she speaks.
ETHEL
"Well it's Tuesday and that's my night to mind the baby and the dog, let these two young ones have a bit of time together"
Ethel exits
OLD MAN
"I'll take a rain check on the coffee, you two don't want to me knocking round "
YOUNG WOMAN
"No not a bit of it, we're not even going out, it's just nice to put your feet up and relax, we love the baby but its nice to have a bit of me time... I mean us time"
She then holds her husband's hand.
OLD MAN
"I'm an old ships cook, why don't you both put your feet up and I'LL make you one of my specialties"
The couple nod
The old man comes back with three coffees and a circle of digestives on a plate.
OLD MAN
"I found the biscuit tin, I have a real nose for digestives"
The couple giggle and sit back and relax.
The next morning the couple wake up, they are both naked and have anal pain and the room is empty of furniture
I'm a stickler for funny names and I wasn't expecting the outcome of that sketch.. love it!