INT. PADDED CELL. MAN IN STRAITJACKET.
MAN: (thinking to himself)
My friggin balls are itchy...Have to try this rubbing crap again.
HE FLIPS OVER AND WRIGGLES ON THE FLOOR OF THE PADDED CELL.
Ooooh, That's made it bearable.. just. Wonder what I'll get up to today? Where did I end up yesterday? Oh yeah, I went off on a tangent and got to picture doing a bungee jump strapped to one of the hairy bikers, the bigger one. That wasn't bad considering I started off thinking about the Ford Escort Mark Two.
Ah well, it puts the day in, this dreamworld that I inhabit. You know, I'll try a quick train of thought before my M.M.S.F.S., the Mid Morning Spoon Fed Snack, the cornerstone of the padded cell a la carte menu.
Oh where will I start. Think of an object. False teeth. There we go. False teeth, ok I'm thinking Esther Rantzen for some reason. C'est la vie, That's Life. Sunday night telly, Tales Of the Unexpected, eerie music, sex, no not sex again!
Ok, start again, hmmm... Speed bumps, diddies, damn, here we go again. And again, ok. Candy floss, that's pretty innocent... pink, snooker balls... Billiards, topless female billiards... I'd watch it, then again I'd watch anything.
The entertainment is crap in here and escape seems unlikely.
I know, I'll try and injure myself just for a bit of horseplay. Think I'll go for some padded cell parkour again. How many times is that today? Twelve injury attempts, all unsuccessful so far. I know, thirteen it's bound to be lucky.
MAN THROWS SOME SHAPES AROUND THE PADDED CELL.
Nope, it's not happening... What about that Punch and Judy Show that I am currently writing, acting and starring in formatively titled, That's The Way To Do It, There's No Show Without Punch 49... I think I had Punch speaking in tongues after Judy became a fundamentalist evangelical.
No, can't be arsed with that... Dum-de-dum, Yeah, I know, I'll do another chapter of my book ' How To Alleviate Boredom In Padded Cells'. It's coming on well, although not as well as my diary. It'll make me big bucks when I get out... provided I can remember it.
Oh, gonna squeeze one out... FX FART... Hmmm, I've had pongier. That one should be airborne for about fifteen minutes, give or take a minute. Ingenious though the way I can measure time by how long my farts linger.
Yeah, I think I've adapted pretty well to this ole padded lifestyle, yeah I'm comfortable these days... damn, my bleeding balls are itchy again.
