Hawking spoof story

Odd f**ker Steven Hawking left celebrities stunned last night as he appeared to discredit Fang and Wu's theory of Quantum Cosmology at Elton John's annual AIDS benefit dinner.

Speaking to an audience that included Friend's star Jennifer Aniston and Hotel heiress Paris Hilton, Hawking criticised Fang and Wu's work arguing: "Their formalism, y[hij, f] gives the probability amplitude for a certain three-dimensional space S that has the metric hij and matter field f."

He further maintained that " A probability amplitude y gives a number that, when squared, is the probability that something exists. This is often put by saying that the square of the modulus of the amplitude gives the probability. The square of the modulus of the amplitude is | y[hij, f] |2."

Thus claimed Hawking, "Quantum Cosmolgy as a pluralist theory is essentially flawed."

Ex American football star and murderer OJ Simpson said that Hawking should not have used the event to disprove the existence if God and said that he had rather hoped that, as rumored, the madcap scientist was going to join Elton in a karaoke version of "Benny and the Jets".

Victoria Beckham's dim witted husband David looked visibly shaken as he left late last night. Speaking to our reporter the ex spice girl reacted angrily to Hawking, saying: "Somebody should have warned my husband that the evening would include some serious philosophical debate".

"I doubt very much whether he'll be fit to play against Chelsea in the pre season friendly. This has left him so drained. It was all so unnecessary."

Speaking from his gay house in Florida Elton John today apologised to his guests stating: "I will seriously have to think about who I invite next year. Steven was possibly not the best choice for the after dinner entertainment."

No one got nofink to say about vis ven ?

I've never read the Brief History of Time (is that meant to be ironic cos its a long book, maybe he pressed the wrong button) however I sort of understood the physics bit. The concept was funny but I don't know why you included the adjectives murdere and gay to describe OJ and EJ. My thoughts would to be to add more jokes like 'David Beckham was scared by the Ventriliquist.' etc and cut down on the physics.

The " murderer " and " Gay " bit is a satire of The Daily Mail. Have you ever read their readers letters ?

The only bits of the Daily Mail I have ever read are the horrorscopes because they make me wet myself. You could point that out. I had no idea what to think of the article as it was not put in context, it would help to at least set the scene e.g in the style of the Daily Mail. If it is Daily Mail satire then it has to be cleverer as its an article not a reader's letter. It also has to be more exaggerated as its satirising. But yeah I liked it

Like it Pete!

Hmmm, I liked it as it has the sort of bizarre / out-of-context feeling that I remember from (some of) Dr Strangelove! Personally I would fiddle around with it a bit to try and jack the pacy-ness up. As it's 'reportage' and not a dialogue-driven piece it has its own tricky-to-do-ness. Reportage is always a problem as generally by about the fourth line everything relevant has been said and the typical hack then fills all remaining story space by repeating the same thing over and over! Just my opinion!

Cheers for the feedback.