Bungling Bobbies

We see a high ranking police officer addressing a posse of TV reporters outside a police station

Chief Super
"Lakeland Constabulary is warning the public not to approach Gordon Hughes. If any member of the public does see him we advise them to call 999 and let the police deal with the matter. This as you know is very much a 'Live' inquiry and we consider Mr Hughes to be extremely dangerous. Whilst there is no cause for panic we would also like to remind the public to keep all doors and windows closed and not to investigate any movements in sheds or out houses until Mr Hughes is in custody."

REPORTER
"We been told he's 93 years old!"

CHIEF SUPER
"In this type of case age is not a consideration!"

REPORTER
"Is he armed?"

CHIEF SUPER
"We believe he has a chair leg"

REPORTER
"Earlier it was reported he had a gun"

CHIEF SUPER
"That has since been revised"

REPORTER
"So he's threatening people with a chair leg?"

CHEIF SUPER
"Not exactly, he may be carrying the chair leg in an ASDA carrier bag"

REPORTER
"So you're looking for a 93 year old man carrying an ASDA carrier bag"

CHIEF SUPER
"We believe he also has access to a tartan shopping trolley"

REPORTER
"I'd have to say he doesn't sound very threatening"

A constable pushes through the press pack and gives the Chief Super a slip of paper.

The Chief Super reads the slip of paper and looks furious.

CHIEF SUPER
"I'm dreadfully sorry it would appear that George Hughes was in fact the subject of a missing persons report"

REPORTER
"You say 'Was' has he been found?"

CHIEF SUPER
"He was shall we say located by one of our armed response units outside a French Polishers shop on the High Street"

REPORTER
"They've shot the poor bastard haven't they?"

CHIEF SUPER
"I'm afraid anymore questions on this issue will have to be addressed to the Police Complaints Commission"

Possibly a little undercooked at the moment, but the confusion between perpetrator and victim seems like a potentially funny concept to me.

I agree, it has potential but its not all there, in my defence I had my back tooth extracted this afternoon and I have gauze in my mouth.

I was supposed to have it out last week but the dentist insisted on me taking Diazpam prior to extraction as I am a six foot two shithouse!

Also as I sometimes post stuff up prematurely, I've had loads of good feedback suggestion wise, so I'm learning as well which is good.

My main forte is writing sitcoms that no one reads, so I'm finding this sketch stuff most enjoyable as it creates vital feedback.

I know that I'm not hitting the coconut every time but it keeps my juices near flowing so its win win for me.

Also I hope I am encouraging others to post new stuff as I think this Critique section could be a goldmine for raw talent.

I thought that was great Teddy. I could visualise the sketch unfolding and the 'vinegar stroke' was well worth the wait. I'm having difficulty keeping up with your prolific output hence the feedback at past midnight on a Sunday morning.

I agree with your point about 'critique' being a kind of seminary for comedy talent. When I joined, I posted a sketch that didn't even get a mention, I was a bit disappointed as even a 'that was shit Nicky' would have been something.

I also think the other threads have their merits as they help keep the grey cells tuned. I love 'larks' as it keeps me thinking and stops me from doing any real work.

Keep 'em coming Teddy.

Hi
I like the setups and scenarios you have used in your sketches. Maybe you should take a little bit of time to explore all possible endings. Maybe slow the output a little to give yourself more edit time and explore the way you want to sketch to unfold with maximum effect. Don't be afraid to try something crazy as it might pay off.
Good Luck
J

Really like this one, nicely understated, great idea.

Quote: Nicky Liar @ September 9 2012, 1:07 AM BST

I agree with your point about 'critique' being a kind of seminary for comedy talent. When I joined, I posted a sketch that didn't even get a mention, I was a bit disappointed as even a 'that was shit Nicky' would have been something.

View original

Aw, give it a bump, I'll say that was shit Nicky